Deep Thoughts From A Shallow Mind

My Presidential Platform

2011-10-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

Here is a simple list of things that I will implement when I am elected president of the United States.

1. Any person, that is seen in public with their ass hanging out of their pants will pay a fine of $250 or serve 30 days in jail. For every further offense the fine /jail time will double. If a 5th offense happens the offender will never be allowed to wear pants or underwear again. If they want their ass hanging out do damn bad, so be it.

2. All roads will have computer chips embedded every 500 yards that will read the speed on every passing car. The speed will be matched via a computer chip in the car that contains the drivers information. If the driver is speeding, a ticket will be sent to the drivers home automatically.

3. All street legal, motorized vehicles will have a maximum speed of 80 miles per hour.

4. The national symbol will be changed from the bald eagle to the Eastern diamondback rattlesnake.

5. Texas will be returned to Mexico.

6. Bacon cheeseburgers will have zero calories. The money and science currently being used to create newer weapons will be redirected to this project.

7. Congressmen and senators will make $55,000 each per year. Lobbying will be illegal. They will no longer be voting on their own pay and benefits, Americans will decide based on a popular vote.

8. Congress and senate will have 6 year term limits. They will be subject to recall at any time if they are not voting the way they promised during their campaigns.

9. Products not made in America will be subject to 150% higher taxes than those that are. It will bring back jobs and the national pride that left a generation ago.

10. The national anthem will be "If my heart had an ass I'd kick it (for lovin' you) by Chris Davis. Just because I really like that song.

11. Cindy Clark Hudson will be installed as the CEO of Facebook, because I REALLY hate the changes that have been made to the site.

12. More things will be made out of metal. All this plastic crap bugs me.

That's it for now, I am sure more will be added. I hope I can count on your vote.

Interview with Cindy Clark Hudson, Facebook Superstar.

2011-06-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

1. When did you join facebook? I think it was sometime in 2008. I signed up at same time as MySpace, and immediately HATED MS, so didn’t use my fb account for awhile. I think my first post was beginning of 2009.

2. When did you decide to try to reach the 5000 friend mark? Beginning of 2010 I made a public effort to hit 1000, and then kept adding. At beginning of 2011, I think I was about 3500-4000, and decided that 5000 was an achievable goal.

3. What was your inspiration for it? To reach 5000. Simple as that:) Actually, what I would usually tell people who asked, is that I really do have more fun with more friends on facebook. So I figure I’d have the MOST fun with 5000 :) All this other stuff, that has come after, was not expected.

4. Where did you come up with the idea for posting advice questions? In the past there was a thing going around where people would post that they were being COMPLETELY honest for the next 24 hours and that friends should inbox them with any question and they’d answer it. I reluctantly posted, and had fun answering the questions. The weird thing that happened, is that I had a few friends basically ask me advice, honest advice. So, when the honesty thing made its rounds again, it got me to thinking, maybe EVERYONE wants to answer these questions. Why keep the “have you ever sharted?” and “who should I date?” questions to myself. :)

5. Do you think it's odd that on TV people can't hear other people arguing in the next room 5 feet away? Not at all, I am a mother. My own children can’t hear me yelling for them to pick up their shoes from 6 inches away

6. What is your favorite advice request so far? I think, in general, the ones where the person is really hurting, and needing an honest opinion about their situation. And then my friends rise to the challenge, and reach out the anonymous friend with support and knowledge. I had one friend who posted about a “friend” who was married to a child molester, and was struggling with still caring about him, and what to tell the kids when he was released. It broke my heart, especially when the poster then told me it was her. A few weeks later I realized that I had an old friend who had been in her position, and I made sure they connected. Just so she knew she wasn’t alone.

7. Captain Steve and Tommy Lang can be brutally honest at times, were you scared to go on KCJJ? Terrified. I am a long time listener of the station. Listened to Don & Mike in the afternoons while pregnant with my oldest, and now my schedule is such that I listen to the mornings a lot. So, I know how Capt Steve is. I know he is rough on people he doesn’t like, and I always assume not everyone is going to like me. AND, he had recently unfriended me on FB, so there was a real possibility that he didn’t. But, they put me immediately at ease, and I now really look forward to my Wednesday morning on air threesome. I like to think I can be brutally honest too, but I do try to temper that by thinking of the feelings of others, and trying to put myself in another’s shoes, before just going off on them. Usually. So I think we all balance each other out. However, I do always assume that the current segment is my last, because I never know, lol.
To see Cindy live go to www.1630KCJJ.com and click on the "raw" link. Wednesday mornings, you will have fun, I promise.

8. You are so honest and open on facebook that a lot of my standard questions have already been answered. Want to use this spot to pimp some favorite local places?
Hmm, Lorenz 2.0 shoe store, of course.

9. Are you recognized by random facebook friends you really haven't met on the streets yet? Over the last year, a handful of times I’ve had maybe 5 or 6 people (if that) come up and tell me hi. It is a small community, really, the chances of me running into fb friends are large. I only get annoyed when I find out someone saw me and didn’t introduce themselves to me :) I will say, that I have been TRYING to be on my best behavior lately, just because I know that someone may know me now, and I don’t want them posting on my wall that they saw me acting like a douche somewhere.

10. How do you feel about ducks? Anti-duck. Unless they come with a side of cheesy rice.

11. Why do you hate ducks? LOL, several reasons. ex was a hunter, and i tend to like what my boy likes, so we ended up with nine million mallard themed things in the house. and also, duck sex is duck gang rape, or so i've been told. ick.

Irony, America. Bin Laden. Geronimo. Terrorists???

2011-05-04T10:03:00.001-07:00

There was a man that was not white, leader of hundreds, inspiration of thousands. His hatred for the United States was well known and documented. He led guerrilla style raids against American forces to many times to count, laid traps, and killed many, and would rather die than submit to what the government of the United States wanted him to do and who they wanted him to be.

How many of you know who I am talking about? You are thinking "Bin Laden" right?....... WRONG.

I am writing about Geronimo. One of the greatest men who ever lived. Got the idea for this due to the fact that for the operation that killed Bin Laden they gave him the code name "Geronimo". Pissed me off, but then I started thinking... The game never really changed, America is still playing "cowboys and Indians".

You have a group of people that talk in a strange language, they hate the Americans, live their own way, practice a religion that many find strange and ever fearful, fighting for Americans to leave their land and basically just leave them the fuck alone.

By the terms of the "War on Terror" America has fought this before, back in the old days when the Native Americans were slaughtered for being on the whites land before the whites got here. Back then "Injuns" were just as hated and feared as the "terrorists" of today, I'd say even more so due to the fact that they were living in close quarters with the white devils that kept fucking with them.

Fast forward a couple hundred years. Native Americans are revered the world over as an honorable people who fought for what they believed in, no matter what the cost.

I may be a bit biased here, I get accused of that every now and then, but the Cherokee blood that runs through my veins BOILS every time I see the news about America pushing their "democracy' and "freedom" on a group of people. It's only freedom if they all want it, otherwise it's just a different set of chains.

Now, look a couple hundred years into the future, history shows that Bin Laden and his followers will be lauded in song and story as visionaries, and men who stood by their principals no matter what the cost. Give it time, It will happen. Not just yet, but then again I am betting it was many, many, many moons after the Little Bighorn before the first songs about Sitting Bull were done.

Peace and Love Ya'll

Trucker Steve (I hope he makes it.)

2011-04-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

My job brings me into contact with truck drivers many times daily. Some of them are annoying, some are jerks, but most are pretty cool. Last Saturday i was working and a driver came in to "live unload". This means he must sit and wait while his trailer is unloaded. I usually enjoy talking to these guys, but this one was different. He touched me. Not in the way that some of you are thinking, shame on you. Perverts. He was truly a good person that had made lots of mistakes, embraced his past, and was committed to changing his future.

He told me that he's just gotten back to driving after 8 weeks in the hospital with peritonitis, and several other gastric problems brought on by drinking, after that he was in detox. He started drinking because he always felt different from everyone else, he never fit in, and messed up every relationship he ever had with family and friends.

He told me that while in the hospital he was diagnosed for the first time with a chemical imbalance in his brain. He did not remember what the name of his disease was but with tears running down his face he told me "I never knew my brain was messed up. I always just thought I was a horrible person." He described his past, impulsive bouts of anger, then drinking out of regret for what he's done. Splitting open his brothers head with a 2x4 because he thought his brother was going to kill his mother when he picked up a knife at a family BBQ. Then going to jail and not understanding why his mother would not back his story up, because to him, it was real.

Some of you may be thinking this guy is just nuts and doesn't belong in society but I saw something different. A man that was amazed that a medicine and someone to talk to could make him "normal" and I saw his sadness because now that his mind is clear, he clearly sees the wreckage of his past. He has embraced his problems and failures, has committed himself to righting the wrongs, and getting his life "normal".

I try not to get to personal with people I see at work. This guy is gonna stick with me for awhile though. Before he left I shook his hand and wished him good luck. Also asked him to look me up next time he delivers to I.P. so I can check in with him. I don't know if he'll make it on his road to recovery, but I sure hope he does. Say a little prayer for trucker Steve tonight, he's spent his whole life in hell, lets see if we can get him closer to heaven.

Peace and Love ya'll

Bobby

God, Gay Marriage, and Prop 8

2010-08-05T11:28:00.000-07:00

In Leviticus 20-13 God Condemns homosexuality, men having sex with other men. He proclaims "They both shall be put to death". No where in Leviticus does it mention two women having sex. Remember that fact, you will need the information later.

Leviticus is the Old Testament I have been told repeatedly by people that I know who are WAY more knowledgeable than I am on the bible that "We are no longer living under the Old Testament" so I should concentrate on the New Testament. I have done that. The closest I can come to finding condemnation for homosexuals in the New Testament is Mark 7-21 It says For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' "

"Sexual Immorality" covers a HUGE area. Just those two words by my estimate will condemn 95% of men, gay or straight, women too. Oral sex is considered by a huge majority to be a sin, I'd bet $2 and my left nut that it's overlooked by those same people whenever they are in the mood...

Nowhere does it mention homosexuality. Also, if we are truly living under the New Testament, why are we still being told the evils of gay marriage in churches all over? God loves people. God created people. God even created gay and lesbian people. God loves them. Why do you hate them?

I know that a HUGE majority of conservative Christians believe that homosexuality or Lesbianism is a choice. They simply are wrong. I suspect however that the vast majority will never be willing to look at any scientific research that proves otherwise.

I personally have known several people that are gay or lesbian when they were young. It was clear even at a very young age that they were vastly different in how they presented themselves, spoke, and interacted with other members of their gender. So, going by what I am told to believe by those that side with God is that 4 and 5 year old children have made a conscious decision to be gay. Really? Please open your eyes and think.

I believe in God too. I freely admit that when it comes to living a good clean Christian life I can't live up to most. I don't even try. I believe that love is love. If two people love each other they should be able to get married. Why should gays and lesbians not be allowed the right to be as miserable as straight married couples?

Finally, in this religious argument that lesbians should not be allowed to marry it's clear that it has no merit under "God's Law". Lesbians are never mentioned in the bible.

God loves us all, whether we have hate in out heart or not. Those who speak out against gay marriage are simply telling the world they feel that they are better than others. Guess what? That's a sin.......

Peace and Love Ya'll

Bobby

God and Beer. How the Giraffe came to be

2010-06-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about giraffes a lot today. Below is my theory on how they came to be in existence. It's only a theory. I could be wrong, I don't think I am, but I could be.

The scene opens with God sitting at his workbench with his machines on creating a new creature. He has created the body, legs, and tail of this creature, as he is moving onto the neck he glances down into the Garden of Eden to check on things and sees Eve running around naked, yet again.

"Great Googly Moogly"!!!! God exclaims. "St. Peter!!!!, Hey Pete get in here, she's naked again"!!!!

"Bring some beer"!! God yells, "I've never seen her do this before."

St. Peter comes running in lugging a case of Miller High Life.

"What's she doing now, God"? he asks.

"Not sure what you call it". God replies, "But I did not intend for a snake to be used in that manner, hand me a beer".

"I don't know why she keeps doing crap like his". God says "I gave them a fig tree, I even strongly hinted that the leaves would be perfect for covering up a little. She sure makes it hard to get any work done".

"Speaking of work" St. Peter says, "What are you working on now"?

"HOLY CRAP"!!!! God yells as he turns around "I forgot to turn the machine off"!!!!!!

St. Peter turns to see what is going on and starts howling with drunken laughter. "What the hell is that"???? he howls. Seeing the newly created creature with an extremely long neck.

"I was working on the neck when that idiot in the garden distracted me". says God as he begins to laugh as well. "Man, when this thing gets a sore throat it's gonna be really pissed." he says with a giggle.

"It looks all out of proportion" St. Peter says

"I will fix the neck". God says "Wait, I have a better idea" he says as he begins to giggle uncontrollably. "I'm gonna make the legs longer instead, They will think I was on acid when I made this thing."

Our scene ends with God and St. Peter finishing off the case of beer and laughing like only drunken men can. What started out as a mistake has become one of the most beloved animals on earth. Funny how things work out.

Politics and Jesus

2010-03-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

First off I'd like to say that this is not intended to offend any of my friends. I am not picking on anyone. This is just something that has been on my mind, and when something is on my mind I write about it.

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a liberal. Not just a little liberal, if I lean any farther left I will probably fall off. I don't hate conservatives as some people think I do. I think they are wrong about everything, but I don't hate them.

What really, really bothers me is conservatives touting themselves as the party of religion and Jesus. There are several things against this that I'd like to point out.

First off, I'd like you to picture in your head your vision of a hippie. I am betting you picture a man with long hair, a beard, probably wearing sandals. Jesus was a hippie. Hippies are liberal, they love the whole world and all it's sights and sounds. Conservatives do not.

The conservative party is the one that is totally against abortion AND is totally in favor of the death penalty. Murder is murder. Before you start, I have read the bible too. I know all about "an eye for an eye". I also know about the 10 commandments, they overrule all other law. The 6th commandment does not say "Thou shall not kill except in these cases". It says "Thou shall NOT KILL."

Jesus worked hard for the common man. Do I really need to explain this further? The dude was a liberal.

Jesus went all Bruce Lee on the asses of the money changers who were corrupting the temple. Moneylenders=Capitalism=Conservatives. Jesus won. Jesus was a liberal.

Jesus washed the feet of his disciples to teach them humility. Can you really picture a conservative doing this? If you say yes, you are either lying to yourself, or totally clueless. Picture who gives to and helps out the downtrodden, liberals. Jesus was a liberal.

I rest my case.

2010-02-23T04:14:00.000-08:00

Below is my interview with Christopher Todd Davis. He is a great artist and I recommend you check out his CD titled Patience is a Virtue You will also find many videos on Youtube from him. Great music from a great guy, check him out, you won't be sorry.

1. Who are your biggest musical influences?
KISS, CHEAP TRICK, WAYLON JENNINGS, GRAM PARSONS, LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM just to name a scattered few...

2. What was your first guitar?
My actual first guitar, other than tennis rackets that I MADE INTO GUITARS, was one that had no brand name on it. It had a bunch of toggle switches and buttons on it. Not your typical guitar. It had a tobacco sunburst finish and strat type body style. Probably some mail order or TV guitar. I paid 15 bucks for it.

3. Do you still have it?
No, was just saying last night that I wish I still had every guitar I have ever owned. Oh, except one.. I had a Kramer "Striker" for a while when I was 18 or 19 that I am glad to be parted with.. That thing wouldn't stay in tune for NOTHING !

4. How did you get the gig to sing a song for the "Guitar Hero 3" game?
Well, first off I used to sing in an Alice Cooper tribute band called THE SICK THINGS. So one day a close friend of mine gets a call from a friend of HIS and the guy wants the number to the local DJ, because he does these things called "Twisted Tunes" where he tries to find singers that sound just like the original, but have them sing funny words over the tune instead. For instance, he once did the song "What If God was one of us?" and had the singer change it to 'What If God smoked cannabis?" That kind of thing. Well the guy on the other end of my buddy's phone wanted that DJ's number so he could find someone who sounded like Alice Cooper. My buddy said, "you don't need to call anyone, I know just the guy." The next day I was in the studio singing the song. Funny thing tho, I recorded my vocal BEFORE they recorded the music. Modern technology !!

5. Where is your favorite place on earth?
Well, I haven't done an extensive amount of traveling. But there is an old military base up on the Islands north of Seattle called Fort Casey. It was built in 1897 in case of an attack. No gun was ever fired there. It was never used. But it IS in the movie "An Officer and a Gentlemen" when dude is making Richard Gere do the push ups out in the rain. That is Fort Casey. It is in other scenes of that movie as well. I am not sure why I like it so much there, but I can go and hang out there all day long. You can spend hours walking around this place, underground into dark bunkers, way above ground where all the canons are still in place. It is just, for some weird reason, relaxing to me to hang out there...
Lately tho, it is Leipers Fork TN.
I love the vibe of that place...

6. What's next with your music, are you working on a new record?
I have the songs for a new record and I keep saying I am going to start one, but I am a little technically challenged when it comes to using the studio here. Every time I think I figure it out and I am ready to record there seems to be something else I don't know that holds me up. But I do hope to get started on it soon... I really like a lot of the new material I have written for it. Now if I can just get it recorded the way I hear it in my head. THAT is always the biggest problem...

7. What would you say is your "dream venue" for a show?
Saturday Night Live. Can't explain why. Some folks will say playing a big venue... for me... SNL has always been it. I know that's funny, but it's true. Perhaps I should learn to set my sights higher.. HAHA

8. It's well known that you hate tomatoes. Is this just the fruit itself or tomato based items such as spaghetti sauce as well?
Just the tomato. I do not like BIG SLICES of tomato on my food. I can handle small diced ones to a certain extent. But I have no problem with catchup or Spaghetti Sauce. I am weird, what can I tell ya...

9. What is your favorite song of all time, and why?
Well, I used to very quickly say MY WAY. Elvis' version, although Franks version is great too. I just love that Elvis live version... But I am not really sure I have a favorite ALL TIME song. I love so much music, it really changes from day to day...

10. How do you feel about ducks?
Well, I grew up in Oregon.... so sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night like Billy Bob Thornton in that movie "BANDITS." I just wake up and scream "BEAVERS AND DUCKS" for NO REASON AT ALL !!!

Things That Are Bugging Me

2010-02-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

First off, what the hell happened to country music? Remember the old George Jones song "Who's Gonna Fill Their Shoes"? Well, the answer is nobody. At least on mainstream radio. There is still plenty of good country music out there, but it's hidden from most, you have to dig for it.

Taylor Swift? I really want her to make a swift exit from the public eye. She is NOT country. You know that surgery for dogs to cut their vocal chords when they bark to much? I think Taylor Swift is the perfect candidate for the human trial.

Carrie Underwood? She has a good porn star name, that's what she should be doing. She can't sing and she is NOT country.

Rascal Flatts? I'd rather have by balls squashed flat with a wooden hammer than to hear one note from these bastards. Again, IT'S NOT COUNTRY.

I don't know who decided that steel guitar and fiddle no longer belong in Nashville but that person is the world's leading expert on jackassery. (it's a word, I just made it up)

Second, people with cell phones are getting out of control. It seems very clear that most people cannot talk on a cell phone AND push a shopping cart without running into people, yet they are allowed to DRIVE A CAR while using them.....

The other day at a store I heard two teenage girls talking to each other very loudly. They were speaking to each other in text message shorthand, cell phones are making today's children stupid. They can no longer speak and spell words correctly. You may think "Hey, they are just kids, it's no big deal". These kids are going to grow up though, they will be performing your heart surgery, and running your country someday.

The people who wander around with the little bluetooth things in their ear..... Wow, their is so much to say about them I don't really know where to begin. Do you really feel you are so important you HAVE to be able to talk to anyone, anytime? Really? Is the checkout line at Wal-Mart the best time to talk to your cousin about his genital warts? YOU PEOPLE ARE BUGGING THE FUCK OUT OF ME AND I DEMAND IT STOP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Third, republicans. Well, they bug me all the time, see previous blogs...

Fourth, people who do not use their turn signals. OOOHHH how I loathe you. I am keeping track, and when I am in charge of the world you will pay, you will pay dearly.

Fifth, FOX news. "Fair and Balanced"? Really? If FOX news is fair and balanced I will wear a sundress to church Sunday, complete with a parasol. Fox news is skewed so far to the right I really don't see how is stays on the TV screen. To Glen Beck, man, just shut the fuck up. I don't like you.

That's all for now. This message was brought to you be Copenhagen Snuff. Since 1822, it satisfies.

Interview With Kat Maslich-Bode

2009-11-17T07:31:00.000-08:00

Below is my recent interview with Kat Maslich-Bode, formerly of the duo EastMountainSouth, now starting out on her solo career. Her new album The Road Of Six is coming soon, and make sure you check out the self titled EastMountainSouth album, you will not be disappointed. As you all know when it comes to music, I am always right.........

1. I hate that people find it necessary to classify music under certain banners, good music is good music, but it happens without fail. When I go to the record store to buy The Road of Six what section will I be looking in?

Wow, I think (and this is just my opinion of course) it would be classified in americana, pop rock or yes, country??? Whatever that might bring to ones thoughts on today's country music. My band Eastmountainsouth was in all three sections and I do believe indy stores now have a "americana section" even a "alt country/roots" section. We *EMS* were once slaughtered by a critic from No Depression right after releasing our debut album on Dreamworks 2003. It broke my heart when I read that Roy Katzen said that we were not "country, americana nor pop rock and at the end of his review he had mentioned that our band's music was and I quote "like cream in your coffee.. you see it but it fades away quickly never to see it again".. something like that anyway. Then in a second, I quit feeling sorry for myself because I think that if you can't put a stamp on an artists music, one can take it as a huge compliment. I am sure that he was not trying to be kind but I had to be positive and get some thick skin since that was my first recording on a major label!

2. How does The Road of Six compare musically to East Mountain South?

This recording is a little more raw and personal. All six songs have something to do with my experience since the band's ending and what I have gone through since then. One of the tracks of course is politically motived, another track is the day when I met my husband.. we had saved our daughters in utero heartbeat for the first sound of the record. Mary Chapin Carpenter sings with me "March" Another track is about my postpartum depression.. etc,,,

I feel so much more WOMAN then I ever have in my life. Being a mother of two not only made me grow in so many ways but I soon realized how strong I really was.. even in the midst of what I would say success was to me at that time in my life, my success was truly having my daughters and seeing how capable I really am. Music to me, has taken on a whole different meaning and I recognize that I cannot take anything for granted I am filled with gratitude that I have never known before!

3. When will The Road of Six be released?

I am hoping to get the GREEN LIGHT to finally say that I am joining the roster with Sarathan Records. They are putting this record out in the next couple months and at the very latest.. the first of the new year Jan 2010. They want to start the promotion soon so we can have a proper release! Just getting details handled at the moment!

4. What was your inspiration for this album?

I finally recorded this record after many years of beating myself up thinking that I had to be the person that I was during my time with EMS. I went through so many emotions asking myself why I write, why music comes to me they way it does and truly digging down deep and finding my own path of timing. It was simply that.. timing! I do have to say that the catalyst of making this Ep were my musical friends.. one of which I OWE everything to.. Neilson Hubbard who inspired me greatly musically, artistically and personally! He was the one who "kicked my ass" into his studio.. He was the producer on the Road of Six and one who I consider to be one of the most musically articulate people I have ever met.

5. Who are your biggest musical inspirations?

That is a LOADED question.. Uh, Ok.. let's see.. I think if my friends were on a game show and asked "who is one of Kat's FAVORITE artists, they would automatically say Rickie Lee Jones and Vince Gill.. in fact, those are the two I named in the liner notes of the Eastmountainsouth record. So many to name.. but I will tell you they range from the turn of the century to the present time from punk music to bluegrass..

6. Knowing they may not be the same as above, who are your favorite singers?

Rickie Lee, Vince, Paul Buchanan Barbra, Miki Howard, Jennifer Terran, Garrison Starr ,Mary Chapin, Beth Neilson Chapman, Martin Sexton, Yolanda Williams,Patty Griffin, Chris Knight,Thom Yorke, Michael McDonald, Steve Earle, Peter Gabriel, Dave Gahan, Luke Bulla, Nathan Lee ,Travis Howard, Mary Gauthier Andrea Zonn, Ingrid Graudins, it's sounds all not in the right order. it's just what's in my head right now..

7. If you could have only 5 albums for the rest of your life what do you choose?

Girl at her Volcano Rickie Lee Jones
Pocket Full of Gold Vince Gill
HENRY GORECKI Symphony No 3 with Dawn Upshaw
A Star is Born 1976 w/ Barbra Striesand and Kris Kristofferson
Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber.

8. How do you balance a music career and being a mother? It can't be an easy thing to do.

You are so right about that! I don't see how there really is a true balance and sometimes I actually feel sorry for myself. I look at established artists who are able to accommodate their families financially while they tour or being able to take them on the road which would be such a luxury but then I think about Loretta Lynn and others in her shoes that didn't have as much as we do as a new generation of mommy musicians. I then, jump back into reality and as candid as I can be, it's about communication with your partner, hubby, wife and simply asking for HELP. Luckily, my husband Darryl is an outstanding father and I know he is my biggest cheerleader when it comes to my career..It's extremely hard at times but the balance becomes small sacrifices and I believe that's what true love is all about.. making those changes whether you want to or not but I think my husband and I both know it's more beneficial in the long run for all of us.. I know one thing that having children made me grow more of a backbone than I ever had before. it certainly puts things in a different perspective and light. I can't say that what I read in books captured ANYTHING of what I have gone through being a mommy but I would never change one moment or one second of pain..it's so well worth it and it's made me stronger as a singer songwriter!

9. For me, music is all about emotion. If a song brings a strong emotional reaction it has done it's job. What is the most emotional song you have ever heard?

So many name.. and I am going to name one of the thousands that move me..
Rainbow Sleeves: ( Girl at Her Volcano).. This song rips my HEART out of my chest. The whole record is a masterpiece in my mind and it shaped me in so many ways.. I am just playing it now as I write and I still CRY when I hear it. It evokes so much emotion in me because when I started listening to Rickie.. that's when I knew what I wanted to do the rest of my days!

10. I fully intend to be elected president of the United States someday. I will fill my cabinet with my favorite singers. Which cabinet position would you choose and why?

No need for 2012.. Obama will run for the 8 year term.. mark my words and I can't wait to see Sarah eat hers! Can't beat the O man! All I can say is that I just watched my Tivo'ed Oprah with Sarah Palin. I think I will run in 2012 just to let her know that she has major competition! I'll have someone make up the bumper stickers right away..Yes, I just dodged your question!

11. How do you feel about ducks?

I love Ducks. Many years ago, I actually cooked a Peking Duck for Thanksgiving dinner and even though I patted myself on the back for actually following through with the recipe which in most cases I never do.. It was yummy but I felt soo horrible. I thought about Daffy, Donald and the others I treasured as a child. That was my first and last time I would ever handle a duck unless it was ALIVE and floating in the water!

All About Me

2009-10-05T06:20:00.000-07:00

Most people think I'm pretty odd, I think most people are pretty odd.

I wish more things were still made out of metal.

I think the republican party is the greatest evil the world has ever known.

I have an opinion on everything.

I am not shy about sharing my opinions.

Based on books per week x weeks in my life I have read 5,683 books since I learned to read.

I fully intend to run for president someday.

I think I can win.

I believe very strongly in God, but I always lock my door.

I believe when it's my time to die I will die, nothing I do between now and then will alter that, there is no other plausible explanation as to why I am still alive with all the stupid shit I did when I was young.

I don't agree with abortion but would never support a law saying a woman can't choose one.

I like animals better than I like people.

I think that rattlesnakes are the most honest creatures on God's earth. They don't pretend or lie, if you fuck with them you will get bit. They even warn you.

I don't forgive and I never forget. If you pissed me off in jr. high, I still don't like you.

I only listen to AM talk radio. There is nothing on FM worth hearing anymore.

I am far older than my years.

I believe violence is a form of ignorance.

I really want to learn to play guitar. It's my only real goal right now.

I don't have a guitar.

I feel only 5 people are qualified to teach me guitar, and they are far to busy to do so.

Those people are Steve Earle, Todd Snider, Guy Clark, Chelle Rose and John Hiatt.

When I get to heaven if a harp is the only choice I will not carry and instrument. I have no interest in learning to play a harp.

I will never conform to what someone else thinks I should be.

My idea of dressing up is a T-shirt that still has it's sleeves.

I am never satisfied to just know the answer to something, I have to know why it's the answer.

I spend a lot of time wondering about weird random shit.

It's why I don't sleep well.

I think I should have been born 200 years ago.

I am a very emotional person, but my face never shows emotion.

My nieces and nephews are the most important part of my life.

Seeing them smile and laugh make all of the other shit worth going through.

I am afraid of needles that do not have ink on them.

Nurses who have given me a shot or taken blood think I am insane.

I am a pretty tough guy for most things, but a tiny little spider can make me pee myself.

That's about it...............

Fruit Of The Loom

2009-09-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

I disagree with the singing apple on the new Fruit Of The Loom commercial. There, I said it. I simply refuse to believe that Fruit Of The Loom is a vital school supply. The singing apple promises "You're gonna love it and your kids are gonna look real fly."

Lets look deeper into this statement. I defy you to find one parent in the history of the world that has said "I just love Jimmie's new underpants." Of course the Name Jimmie is random and can be substituted for any other name. If there are parents out there who say these types of things I feel the children should be removed from their home.

As for the kids "looking real fly" that makes no sense to me either. Again, I simply refuse to believe that parents buy kids back to school underpants with how they will look to others in mind. If it's really happening where the hell is this school they are going to and why are the parents sending their children to it?

Now lets look more into these singing men in fruit costumes. How do you cast something like this? You can't just say "we need singing fruits", this would bring in people hoping for a whole different audience. It also seems unlikely to me that word was put out for exactly what the commercials were going to be.

I am betting it was just a random open casting call. Lots of men showed up hoping to be seen. As the producer announced they were looking for men to dress up as giant fruit and sing about underwear I'd imagine there was a mass exodus for the door. This is the point where the producer said "you will also be working with dozens of beautiful women dressed only in bras and panties."

I am fairly certain this is where we got the phrase "They stopped in their tracks".

Decisions, decisions........

Grandma Annie

2009-08-31T14:57:00.000-07:00

This morning I found the last jar of sweet pickle relish that my Grandma Anie made. It's still good after all these years, she had been gone nearly 7. I don't know what to do with it. It's delicious, the best relish I have ever tasted, but I'm not sure I can handle the finality of it being the last jar.

I am not even close to being over losing my Grandma Annie, I was just getting to know her when she died. In 2002 I moved to Louisiana to help my grandparents when Grandma Annie was sick. I figured up that before I moved here I had spent 5 weeks with them that I could remember spread out over several years. They needed my help and although I did not realize it at the time I needed their help more. Those of you that really know me already know that story, and I'm not going to get into it here, just know that if I had went to Louisiana in 2002 I would not be here today writing this.

I spent hours with Grandma Annie while I was with her right her in this house I am writing from. I learned about the old days, how her and grandpa met, where she'd been and where she still wanted to go. I got to know my Grandma Annie in the last 6 months of her life. In doing that I learned what the important things in life really are, and my life totally changed. It needed to.

I heard hours upon hours of stories about everything from growing up to getting old. I loved every one. I did not offer her any stories of mine, she would not have approved of any of them.

We talked about movies one day and she mentioned that her favorite movie was driving Miss Daisy. I went and got it, helped her to her rocking chair and we watched it together. Her face lit up like I had never seen. The next week was my birthday and she was upset. When I asked her what was wrong she said she wished she was well enough to bake me a cake. I told her I did not need a cake, birthdays don't mean a thing to me.

A week later she was gone.

I was mad at myself for not coming sooner. I was furious with god for taking her. I felt cheated because I was just getting to know her.

Throughout the time I lived with my grandparents about once a week we would eat vegetable beef soup that Grandma Annie had made and canned. When you "can" something it's in a jar, I say this for any of the younger generation who may not understand that. The soup was delicious, Campbell's could never come close to it. After she died grandpa and I continued our weekly tradition of soup. Then the night came when it was the last jar. We sat through a silent dinner that night with tears pouring down our faces. It was so final, there would never be anymore soup made by Grandma Annie.

Now it's the last jar of pickle relish. Grandpa told me to throw it away. I can't do that. I don't think I can eat it either. It's the last jar, and I don't want to associate that kind of pain with hot dogs, I love hot dogs.

I know she is OK, she told me she was. Many of you reading this will think I'm crazy but that's alright. Like Waylon said, I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane.

Diamond Rio has a song called "I Believe". Every time it came on the radio I cried. One day driving home it came on the radio and I had to pull over because I was crying to hard to drive. As clear as anything I heard my grandma Annie's voice say "Son you need to stop crying, I'm O.K"

To anyone who does not believe there is a heaven, all I have to say is I know there is. I know God and Grandma Annie are watching, I sure hope I don't let them down.

A Dishwasher, A Spider, and Jesus

2009-08-23T06:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I faced a serious moral dilemma. After I was done loading the dishwasher I noticed a tiny little spider inside. His eight little spider legs were struggling mightily to gain a purchase on the slippery plastic of the inside of the dishwasher. Everyone knows I am terrified of spiders, I hate them and they can make me pee when I don't want to pee. I also don't like killing anything at this point in my life. I am to old and have been through to much pain to willingly inflict pain on another living creature, hated or not.

I did a lot of thinking between the time I loaded the dishwasher and the 3 or so hours later before I started the dishwashing process. Was there a way I could remove the spider without causing death or serious injury to myself or others? Perhaps long tweezers with just the right amount of tension so not to squeeze the little creature to death. Maybe a little jar to trap him inside. Let's be serious here, I was not about to pick the thing up with my hands. It would have bit me and I would have died, I am sure of it.

It seems that Jesus looked down and saw my struggle. He chose to help me out. When I opened the dishwasher to look before I started it running the little spider was nowhere to be seen...........

I sincerely hope he escaped through the drain before I unleashed a watery hell the likes of which he had never imagined on him.

The Mustang- Part 1

2009-08-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

Life At The Mustang, Part 1

For a period of time over 10 years ago I worked at a little gas station called "The Mustang Market". It was actually a pretty cool place to work. It's where I met both of the people I call my best friends. I worked the night shift at the "Mustang", as we referred to it. It could get boring at times, especially in the winter when the wind chill was -40 and it was blizzard conditions outside. Two friends of mine named Mike and Sarah used to hang out at the store with me, it helped with the boredom. We also had another guy named Matt Bride that hung out there a lot. Now ol' Matt is a chapter unto himself. Here's a few things to know about Matt.

I called him "smaid" since the first day I met him, it drove him totally fucking crazy because he could not figure out why. After about a year I finally told him. Everyone else got it, I bet most of you have gotten it by now as well. His last name was Bride, I called him Smaid, put them together........... Matt liked to make little bombs out of tinfoil and black powder. He also had a hard lump tumor on his skull that was drained but not removed, it had a hole in the top like a cracked egg. I swear to god I am not making this up. To say that Matt was "a bit unusual" is putting it mildly. He was fascinated by bombs and destruction. I have no idea where he is now but I hope he is in custody.

One night in our boredom Matt, Mike, and I learned that if you get gummy worms wet they will stick to whatever you throw them at. It was a war for the ages..... Imagine 3 men in their early 20's running around the inside of a gas station in the middle of the night tossing wet gummy worms at each other, shooting to kill. I will never forget the moment Matt died as a hero, he was pinned down in the backroom under heavy fire and he made a break for it. Poor Matt got maybe 6 inches out the doorway when Mike threw the shot heard 'round the world. It stuck dead center of Matt's forehead and literally stunned him so bad he fell to the floor. I still laugh about the look on his face when that moist gummy worm made contact over 10 years later.

Another game played at the Mustand was to coat some random item in the store with Vaseline and take bets on if a customer or an employee found it first. It was good wholesome entertainment.

I had what some might refer to as an attitude problem back then. Anyone who came into my store thinking "the customer is always right" was in for a rude awakening. I was a jerk, but then again with the shift I worked at a gas station right off 2 major interstate highways that was probably a good thing. I was the "2am" nazi. In Iowa you have to stop selling alcohol at 2am. I kept the alarm on my watch set and the rule was enforced with an iron fist. I refused to sell alcohol to drunks, which is also illegal, they got pretty pissed about that. Most of the kids that worked there just sold it to them, not me. I said no for the sheer joy of it.

My favorite was the kids that were obviously underage coming in to try to buy beer or tobacco. After about a week at the store you can spot them right away. They look around a lot, wander the aisles until they are the only customer in the store and then approach you trying to buy whatever they wanted. I LOVED these customers. I would set whatever they wanted beside the register and ring up the sale and tell them the total. As they were handing me the money with a happy look on their pimply little face I'd say "Oh yeah, I need to see your I.D.". The happy face went away instantly and it made me smile.

I had customers swing at me, scream at me, and cry. I loved every second of it.

To be continued..................

How To Stimulate The Economy. (Cucumbers and Melons)

2009-08-04T07:05:00.001-07:00

Whenever you go to the store you will see a wide variety of products for women that are cucumber melon scented. I am not sure who first decided that this combination should be put together and worn by the female of the species but it happened. These products are not cheap, some are very expensive.

Yesterday I saw a woman on the food network cutting up melons and cucumbers, then she washed her hands. That got me thinking. Why didn't she just dab the juice behind her ears and all of the little other places that women put smells. It would have saved her money that day.

I have a new plan to stimulate the economy. Instead of women buying all these fancy cucumber and melon products they should just buy a cucumber and a melon.

They could then juice these products and place the juice in a spray bottle available at any Wal-Mart for 97 cents.

Total investment is about $5 and they will have enough cucumber melon product to last nearly a year in my estimation. This will sell more produce helping California out of it's financial trouble and at the same time save Americans billions of dollars in products every year.

The companies that make these cucumber melon products have enough other wares for sale that they will be able to survive the lack of cucumber melon scent sales. It's a win/win for everyone involved. When I am president I will see to it that this plan is put into effect.

My Nieces and Nephews

2009-07-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I am an uncle again. Macy Ann was born 6 days ago, she is the only one of my sisters kids I did not get to see at the hospital. I am currently in southern Louisiana helping my grandfather out after his stroke. Her being born got me thinking how much I love being an uncle, it's the greatest job on earth.

Looking back at all the memories I have I chose my favorite memory from each to share with you.

Jacob is my oldest nephew. He is almost 17 and I could not possibly be prouder of him. When he was about 3 I was eating some extremely hot "Cajun" style potato chips and he kept asking for some. Finally my sister Jennifer said just give him one, so I did. His reaction is one I will never forget as long as I live. He came back for another one but asked me to "blow on it". He knew it was too hot, but he did not understand why.

Maddie is my oldest niece. I gave her the name of "Possum" the day she was born, yes, I know it's not spelled like that. She is 14 and has a boyfriend. I like Austin, but I still hate that she has a boyfriend. He has been warned that is he feels like touching or kissing my beloved niece that uncle Bobby will gladly go to prison after taking care of him. My favorite memory of Possum is an easy choice. When she first came home from the hospital she was very sick, my sister had not slept for 2 or 3 days so I went over and rocked Possum in a chair all night long so Jennifer could get some sleep. Growing up Possum was always uncle Bobby's girl, I truly believe it's because I held her all night when she was first born.

DeLaney is my second youngest niece. I gave her the name of "Little Britches" when she was first born. She will be 13 soon. Most of you know that I have lived in Louisiana before. When grandma was sick I moved here to help care for her. The day when I moved back to Iowa in 2003 Jennifer brought all the kids to see me. When Little Britches walked in I squatted down so she could come give me a hug. She ran across the room with her arms open and hit me so hard I fell over backwards. She then went and told my sister "I tackled him like a touchdown".

Jesse Ray is my youngest nephew. I named him "Cowboy". He is a 3 and a half year old tornado of energy. My greatest memory of him was the day he ran into the house and came straight into my room. He gave me a hug and said "I love you uncle Bobby". Then he was off running somewhere else. It was the first time he ever told me that and it meant the world to me.

Travis Jr. is my newest nephew. He is my brother in law's son from a previous marriage and that makes him my nephew. The boy is 13 and makes me look like a dwarf, he's a giant. He is a fine athlete in any sport he chooses and I am very proud of him for that. Basketball, wrestling, or football he is great at all of them. He can go far in life on his sports ability alone. I will be watching every step of the way.

Macy Ann is my newest niece. Sadly, I have no memories of her because I have never met her. I will someday though, creating memories with my nieces and nephews is the greatest part of my life. I love them all more than they know. I hope someday when I am gone they can look back and think fondly of Uncle Bobby. I have uncles that I hardly know and if I died today it would not affect their life in the least little bit. It would be nothing more than a phone call in a few weeks saying "did you hear the Bobby died"? The answer would probably be "Bobby who"? I did not want me relationship with my nieces and nephews to be like that. I have made it my goal to be am important fixture in their lives, I think I have succeeded in doing that.

To any of my nieces and nephews that may read this remember that I love you very much even though I am not there. Not a day goes by when I don't think about you all.

Love,

Uncle Bobby

Letterman and Palin

2009-06-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

First off, everyone stop whining and shut up!!! David Letterman is a comedian. He makes jokes and is very good at it. Second, why is Palin so offended with jokes about her daughter having sex? Is there anything else to do in Alaska? I mean besides looking at Russia from the backyard.......

Sarah Palin should be glad someone is still noticing her. Her 15 minutes ran out months ago. She is the world's biggest joke. There is no way possible she was as offended as she claimed to be. Everyone knows republicans have no feelings and they torture puppies before dinner daily.

Was the joke a little low? Yes. Was it funny? Hell yes.

If you don't like lowbrow humor don't watch David Letterman. It's really that simple. Turn your TV to Fox news and watch the republican controlled false news stories. Why the hell did everyone get so pissed anyway? It's not like you went fishing with the woman last week. YOU DON'T KNOW HER, consider yourself lucky that you don't. She steals souls and keeps them in a jar. When she gets 50 she gets in a rowboat and takes them to Russia where she meets up with beings from her home planet and the souls are used for fuel in their ship. It's true, I would not lie to you.

State Of The Union (country music edition)

2009-06-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

About a year and a half ago I got into about a 2 week email argument with a man named Mark Irwin. If you don't know that name he is the writer of such songs as "Here In The Real World" by Alan Jackson and "That's How They Do It In Dixie" by Hank Jr. and Gretchen Wilson. His songs have also been recorded by Randy Travis, Chely Wright, Tracy Lawrence, Chris LeDoux, Highway 101, Garth Brooks, Jimmy Buffet and George Jones.

He was posting on a blog that is run by a good friend and ticking her off. Since pissing off people in Nashville is of no consequence to me I let him know what I thought of him. I tried to make him see that although he can call himself a songwriter, he is not a poet. Any idiot can string words that rhyme together. It's not rocket science. I wanted him to admit that the best songs come straight from the heart, the bastard would not do it. If he had given me his phone number this fight would still be going on.

He is a hack. He makes money by rhyming words that the general public find somewhat endearing. All he has to do is walk to the mailbox and pick up his check. Miss Chelle Rose calls this "mailbox money". I'm not knocking the guy here, it's good work if you can get it. What gets to me is the superior attitude he had that day because Hank Jr. just recorded one of his songs.

The song was "That's how they do it in dixie". It's the perfect Hank Jr. song, I'll admit that. It's full of booze and requires no thought when listening to it. For him to claim he is better than others because of that just infuriated me. Below you will find some examples of songs that are truly from the heart. If you are not willing to think and feel while listening to music they may not be for you. Just please bear in mind MUSIC SHOULD BE FELT, NOT HEARD!!!!!!!!!!

First on my list of from the heart songs is "Wild Violets Pretty" by Chelle rose. It's my favorite of her songs. Even before I knew the story behind the song it tore my heart out. Haunting is the word that describes it best. I'm not going to tell you the story of the song here, it's not my place. If you want to know ask Chelle. If she likes you she just may tell you. She did not sit down to write it hoping for a #1 radio hit. She wrote it because her heart was aching and it's the way she knows best to let the hurt out. The song makes me choke up every time I hear it. For this I say my dear friend Miss Chelle is not a songwriter, she is a poet. Here is a link to this song. www.myspace.com/chellerose

music

Second is the song I call my favorite. "Have Mercy On me" be Steve Earle. At the time of writing Steve's life was consumed by drugs, guns, cops, ex wives and adultry. He put it all into this masterpiece. The despair he felt is clear in the chorus of the song. It says, "I'm a sinner lord can't you see, have mercy on me". Then the part of the song I believe is called the bridge, not sure about that, but it says "Tears are made to fall, heart's made to break, sometimes it feels like they just wanna know how much you can take". It's a pretty clear statement of how he was feeling at the time. God must have had a plan for Steve Earle, there is no other way he could have survived. Even if you are not a Steve Earle fan I urge you to check out his album called "The Hard Way". It's the most autobiographical album ever recorded by anyone, and it was recorded in 1990 his last album for 6 years, drugs took complete control of his life, and then prison took over for awhile. The whole album is from his heart, although his heart was very dark at the time. Steve Earle is a poet, one of the greatest that ever lived. Here is a link to this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLJvbwC04Io

The third and final from the heart song is "Wine Into Water" by T. Graham Brown. He makes a good living as a songwriter, but he is also a poet. T. Graham Brown was a hardcore alcoholic and it was destroying his marriage and his life. One night at dinner his 4 year old son looked at him and said "Daddy please don't drink tonight". He did not drink that night, or ever again. This song is T. Graham Brown's autoboigraphy. You will FEEL this song, not hear it. The chorus of the song is this

"Tonight I'm as low, as any man can go, I'm down and I can't fall much farther. Once upon a time you turned the water into wine, now on my knees I'm turning to you father, can you help me turn the wine back into water."

The most amazing thing about this song is not only did it come straight from the heart of T. Graham Brown, but it's found it's way into the heart's of countless others, and helped them with their own struggles. It's now an anthem for recovering alcoholics. I'm sure at the time of writing TGB did not have this in mind, his heart was heavy and put his feelings on paper. That makes him a poet. Wine Into Water will live forever and help millions along the way. It's from the heart. Here is a link to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y96-Lmo2eM

Well folks, here you have 3 songs to get you started. If you are content with what you hear on popular radio and don't want to think and feel by all means stick with it. However, if you want to know what REAL music is, and you want to FEEL it. Start with these. There is more out there, I'll be happy to help you discover real music, just ask.

Try to remember music is a living, emotional thing. If a song makes you feel emotion, no matter what that emotion is, it has done it's job.

Things That Need To Change.

2009-06-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

First off with the upcoming process of confirming Sonia Sotomayor as a supreme court justice I wish people would leave politics out of it. The supreme court of the United States is as high as it gets, not even the president can overturn one of their decisions. Politicians make the laws the supreme court is sworn to uphold or declare unconstitutional.

That fact alone should remove politics from the equation. Federal judges should have no party affiliation of any kind. The supreme court should not be used by political parties to reexamine decisions made by the court years ago. The biggest example being Roe vs. Wade. It has been decided by the highest court in the land. Leave it alone.

The electoral college also needs to go. We now have the technology to count every individual vote nationwide immediately. Without the electoral college system Bush would never have been president. Think how great it would be to have those 8 years back.......... It has happened two other times as well. There is no reason in the world that the man who gets the most votes should not be elected president. It is unacceptable, and when I am in charge it will change.

The separation of church and state needs to go as well. It's all smoke and mirrors anyway. Candidates profess their love for god and church, yet claim to want separation. They can't have it both ways. Our money says "In God We Trust" it's issued by the government. I also think every courtroom needs the 10 commandments hanging in it. Maybe a lot of those who have no respect for the law of man will think twice when it's pointed out which law of God they broke.

I also believe if all the politicians who profess their faith in God talked to him once in awhile they would not be so hasty in their decisions.

Nowhere in our constitution does it say we only have 2 political parties. We have many choices in party affiliation but only democrats and republicans are allowed to take part in debates, conventions, and most other political gatherings at election time. Why can't people see how wrong this is. If Ron Paul were able to reach more people I guarantee he would be president right now. I voted for Obama, and I support him. I did not vote for Ron Paul simply because with the amount of exposure he had not enough people knew about him, and he never stood a chance.

The biggest thing I want to change is that I want a 10 question quiz at the polls for everyone who shows up to vote. If you cannot answer basic questions about the candidates you will not be allowed to vote. An uninformed voter is far more dangerous to our country than someone who does not vote at all.

Shredded Wheat

2009-05-21T10:11:00.000-07:00

I like shredded wheat cereal very much. Especially blueberry. One of my greatest joys in life is the last bowl of shredded wheat from the box. In that bowl you get all of the little broken pieces that have fallen off.

Someone asked me awhile back why I don't just crumble the cereal up all the time if I like it that way. Well, the answer to that is simple. If I did that I would not have that last bowl to look forward to.

The little joys in life are often the best.

Random things

2009-05-18T06:51:00.000-07:00

Do fish get thirsty? I mean are they constantly drinking water, or every once in awhile does a fish think "I'm parched." Then pucker up his little fish lips and take a sip of water. This one weighs heavy on my mind, if you know the answer please let me know.

If you lead a horse to water but can't get him to drink, you still have the satisfaction of knowing you led a horse to water. Not everyone gets to do that.

I believe that most people believe in god "Just in case". They use their church as a sort of clubhouse and entry is limited, in some cases invitation only. Those people don't know god very well at all.

I am thinking of starting a new business. Bumper stickers for cows. Think of how often you drive by cattle. All of that advertising space is not being utilized.

Please don't take this as "anti-american" although I have been accused of that many times already. I am confused as to why the terrorist groups are called "cowards" on the news and by the government because they attack by surprise in small groups, then run. The militia did this same thing during the American revolution, they were called "patriots"

Keys? I don't need no stinkin keys.

Ice cream is cold and I think it's really cool. That blows my mind.

Visualize cheese.

I love plums but I hate prunes. A prune tastes nothing like a plum. It tastes just like a raisin. I don't like raisins either. Come to think of it, I'm not fond of grapes.

Vote for me, I would make a great president.

In the future instead of wars countries should hold barbeques. I think they would be surprised how easily you can work out problems over ribs and cold beer.

I spent quite a bit of time thinking about where I would fly first if I work up one day with a set of eagle wings.

Why aren't small freezers called shallow freezes?

Things That Make Me Happy.

2009-05-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

I posted while back about things that piss me off. That may have been viewed as a bit negative. So for the sake of staying a bit more even keeled here is a list of things that make me happy.

First and foremost are my nieces and nephews. They are the best part of my life and they mean more to me than they probably know.

My family, they have put up with me far longer than anyone should have to.

Puppies. I don't think I will ever have another dog. My dog Prince was the best dog that ever lived, and I just can't take it when they die. I still love puppies though.

Clever T-shirts. They are a must, I am especially fond of those that have anti-republican sayings on them. Chalk this one up as a negative positive.

Really cold beer on a really hot evening.

Being alone with no sounds but nature. It's the most peaceful feeling one can have.

Ducks. I'm not sure why, I just really like ducks.

Friday Night Lights. I freaking LOVE that show.

Reading books. I love to read, I always have.

Fishing with grandpa Chuck. I may never get the chance to do it again but I will always have the memories.

A cheeseburger with bacon, blue cheese crumbles and a vinegar based BBQ sauce. I truly believe this is what God has for dinner every night.

The music of Steve Earle, Chelle Rose, and Todd Snider.

Snakes.

Getting a new tattoo. It's a great feeling, hurts like hell, but a great feeling.

Knowing that someday this will all be over and I can talk to God and Grandma Annie, and play fetch with Prince.

That's pretty much it.

What I Believe In

2009-05-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

Several people have asked me why my Facebook page says "Socialist" under my political affiliation. I am a registered democrat, but I always look at all sides of every candidate and every issue before voting. I have never voted for a republican because I have yet to agree with any of their ideas. Done correctly Socialism is not an evil thing. How many of you go to the library? Libraries are a Socialist ideal. Universal healthcare is my mail goal for Socialism. Most of you know I was injured several years ago. I am now healed just enough that I am not eligible for any benefits, but still injured enough that I cannot do most jobs. The ones I am able to do will not provide health insurance. Basically, that means I am screwed.

I can never see a doctor again as long as I live. Well, I can but I don't have the money to pay for it, so I can't. It's an interesting world we live in.

Many people think that you must be against gay marriage and gay people in general if you believe in God. What a crock. I am not gay, not even a little bit, yet I support gay marriage and will until the day I die. I also believe very strongly in God. He has yet to tell me I must choose between them. I don't understand how people who proclaim to believe so strongly in God can be so full of hate. We are all his children, and although he loves us all, I bet he shakes his head now and then asking himself "Where did I go wrong?"

I have never belonged to a group. I have never wanted to. If you give me 2 options for something I'm going to take option 3. It's my nature. I don't like conformity. I will never wear a certain brand of clothes just because a "celeb" is wearing them. I feel sorry for those who do. It's such a shallow way of life. We were all given a brain of our very own, it's up to us to either do what we really want to, or to take the easy way and just "fit in". There has yet to be a group created that I fit into. I think to much and I think for myself.

I fear my government. There, I said it. Not as much now that Obama is President. I believe he can and will save the world. I still fear though. Bush destroyed in less than 8 years what it took over 200 to build. He took away many of my freedoms, I am not O.K. with that. The single biggest complaint I have is that the United States was founded by people that decided to fight or what they believe in. 200 years later the descendants of those people imprisoned John Walker Lindh for doing that very same thing. He did nothing wrong, the government knows it too. They backed off the death penalty and imposed a 20 year gag order on him. Basically, if he talks he dies. What is American about that?

Question EVERYTHING!! You are not required to take everything you are told at face value. Most people do because it's easier than weighing everything out and forming your own opinion. People are curious by nature.

For example if you are told that Jupiter is 276 million miles away most people will automatically take that as fact. It's wrong though. Jupiter is 390 million miles away. Had I not corrected that, anytime in the future if someone asked you that question you would have taken what I said as fact and given them the wrong answer.

Now, if someone sees a sign that says "Wet Paint" they will touch the paint 99.9% of the time to see if it's true. Why? Because it's easy. There is no thought or real effort put into touching paint.

If you are content to put little effort into learning the truth, you will get little truth in return.

Finally, always keep these words with you. Just cause you ain't paranoid don't mean they ain't out to get you. I learned the hard way a few years back that life is not like it was for our parents and grandparents. Try getting hurt at work and see what happens. I foolishly believed my employer would stand behind me until I was healed and then put me back to work. Instead, they did everything possible to get me to quit so they would no longer be responsible. Welcome to the U.S.A today...................

Stop The World. I Want To Get Off

2009-05-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

There is a product available that I feel may end the world as we know it, and I want either myself or it removed from the earth. The product is called "Kindle" sold by www.amazon.com it's an electronic book reader. In just a few minutes you can search for what you want, buy the book, and download it directly to this evil product. They claim the display screen is "just like ink and paper".

What is wrong with REAL ink and paper books? I love books. I love to read. I greatly enjoy going to my local library and choosing books. Libraries have a smell unlike any other place, it's a mixture of old books, leather bindings, and knowledge. I go to the library at least once a week, it's fun for me and somewhat exciting. I enjoy wandering the stacks until a book catches my eye, and knowing after reading the back cover that it's going to be great, I can hardly wait to get home and begin reading it.

The librarians seem to enjoy seeing me at the library as much as I enjoy being there. I'm sure I am somewhat of an oddity to them. It can't be often someone that looks like I do checks out books that have nothing to do with tattoos, redneckism, or fixing a transmission. I read an average of 3 books a week, I'm sure this is also somewhat unusual for a person that looks like I do. One librarian in particular thinks it's funny that I have checked out every one of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels, they are hilarious. You know what they say, you can't judge a book by looking at the cover.........

My taste in books is widely varied. Everything from Native American history to Plato's Republic to a good crime mystery. I recently found a book called "Chasing Fireflies" by an author named Charles Martin. It's one of the most amazing books I have ever read. Had I not been wandering the library for the cover to catch my eye I would still be without the knowledge and wonder this book gave me. No electronic book can give you that. I had never heard of the author before, so I would not have found him on any electronic book database.

An electronic book can never replicate the smell of a brand new book, nor the smell of a classic book. It can never replace the creak of the book spine, or the feeling of satisfaction of flipping to that final page and seeing it all come together. Technology can be a good thing, but leave my books alone.

Do yourselves a favor, go to your local library. The whole world is inside just waiting to be discovered.

Peculiar Little Wal-Mart Man

2009-04-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

I just ran into the most peculiar little man at Wal-Mart. As he scanned my items he placed each one in it's own bag, folded the ends around, then placed each one in another bag. He then tied the handles of the second bag into a triple knot thereby eliminating the handle that was placed there for my use.

I asked the peculiar little man to stop doing this and he replied "I have too". Note that he did not reply "It's policy". A quick look around at the other checkers gave me every indication that this peculiar little man was alone in his handle eliminating crusade.

In the end, as he handed me each double bagged item with no handles with which to grasp I ripped open the bags, tossed them aside, and re-bagged each item myself. He gave no indication that he was in the slightest bit alarmed or upset at what I was doing.

This peculiar little man is one of the most fascinating individuals I have ever run across. I believe further study is needed. I will provide updates as more information comes to light.

Retirement Home Here I Come

2009-04-23T12:43:00.001-07:00

I think I'd like to live in a retirement community. I have always enjoyed the company of older folks, they have so much wisdom to offer, we just need to be smart enough to listen. I also enjoy long, often pointless talks about the weather, the heat, humidity, snow in California, it's all open for discussion.

I don't really care for people my own age, this is an ongoing thing in my life. No matter what age I am, I don't like most people that are my age. I am always so much older than others my age I have nothing in common with them.

Phrases commonly uttered be the older generation like "Kids these days" and "turn that music down!!" I seem to use on a daily basis. Often with the traditional shaking of the head and muttering under my breath. I have yet to start shaking my fist at teenagers but I feel it can't be far off.

With my back and neck the way they are I often shuffle along like the older generation so I'd fit right in there. I would not get to far ahead in the race for pills and Jello at 3 pm.

I LOVE to play shuffleboard and feel I am still pretty competitive at it. I can hold grudges for years and often find myself saying "back in my day......"

So there it is folks. I am planning on looking through some brochures and starting the selection process. It should not take to long, provided those meddling neighbor kids stay off the lawn.

People That Piss Me Off

2009-04-14T10:11:00.000-07:00

Republicans.

People who's arm hair covers their wristwatch.

Frat Boys

People who think it's cute to let their kid push the shopping cart all over the damn store with no thought to who they are running into or how they are getting into everyone's way.

Teenagers who don't type full fucking words. It's basic english, learn it you fuckheads.

People who wander around staring at their cell phone not watching where the hell they are going.

Republicans.

Anyone from Texas.

People that email me forwarded messages that are such bullshit it's not even funny. Like the one about Captain Kangaroo being a war hero. It did not happen people, do a little research.

People that go on and on about how beautiful their kid is when they know full well it's ugly.

People who forward me text messages about how I "don't have a heart if I don't send this to 10 people".

Republicans.

Anyone who works at the local Verizon wireless store. I'm pretty sure I piss them off too, so we will call this one even.

Restaurant workers who suggest menu items to me. HEY ASSHOLE you don't know me. You don't know what I like. Go fuck yourself and bring me some tea.

People who use the word "like" as a describing word 5 times in every sentence. It's like, really, like, FUCKING ANNOYING.

Unnecessary Product

2009-04-07T11:42:00.000-07:00

Today I was at a store just wandering around looking at all of the many wares they were offering for sale. My eye caught a particular product that I'm still having problems believing it really exists. In what world is a battery powered eraser necessary? Have we as a collective group decided "you know what, I have always hated moving an eraser by hand, Just not going to do it anymore."

The person that invented this may have went to MIT, I'm sure the parents are glad his or her education is being put to good use. I think the inventors of the world have their priorities a little messed up. I mean, we now have battery powered erasers but we are still using crumpled up handfulls of paper to clean naughty parts in the bathroom....... Surely we need a better system for that more than the world needs a battery powered eraser????? I know I'm very strange, and maybe I'm the one who is thinking backward here. I just don't get it.

If a person is to busy or lazy to use an old fashioned eraser what is the chance they will be writing by hand with an old fashioned pencil? I make my solemn promise to you now. When I am in charge the world will be rid of all battery powered erasers. I feel they are evil, and I do not like the precident they are setting.

The ACM Awards. AKA 3 hours I'll never have back.......

2009-04-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

Let me start be saying I love country music. I have all of my life. The problem is, country music has been on life support for so many years it's all but forgotten. During the show last night I kept hearing a beeping sound, it was the monitors and machines keeping country music alive. At 9:58 PM central time the tone flat lined. That was the exact moment the "entertainer of the year" was announced. Someone finally pulled the plug, thank god!!!

It was doomed from the start. How can you have an awards show for country music when only 3 country artists were there? Jamie Johnson, Brad Paisley, and George Strait. What was the deal with Reba telling jokes? A mouth, tongue, brain, and lungs are all that is technically necessary to tell a joke. That does not mean you should tell jokes just because you have the equipment. What's wrong with a little sincerity? Lame, fake jokes have run the course. Speaking of lame, fake jokes. Lets take a look at the winners............

Vocal Event of the Year
* "Start a Band", Brad Paisley Duet With Keith Urban. The only reason this won is it was slightly less terrible than the other nominees. It was not the best of the best, it was the least terrible of the choices.

Video of the Year
* "Waitin' on a Woman", Brad Paisley. Actually, I can't bitch about this one. I like the song, and Andy Griffith is cool as hell. Well Done.

Song of the Year
* "In Color", Jamey Johnson. Two in a row that got right!!!! We are on a roll now!! Just wait, it's all downhill from here.........

Single Record of the Year
* "You're Gonna Miss This", Trace Adkins. Hey academy, fuck off. Trace Adkins sucks. He can't write, he can't sing. Jamey Johnson should have this award for "In Color".

Top New Vocal Duo or Group
* Zac Brown Band This award should not have given this year. There was no deserving nominees. When you sing a stupid song about fried chicken and win something for it the world has truly been turned upside down. Piss off dumbass.

Top New Female Vocalist
* Julianne Hough I had never heard of any of the nominees. Don't care.

Top New Male Vocalist
* Jake Owen Fuck off. Jamey Johnson wins by default. He's a country artist.

Top Vocal Duo
* Sugarland I think they got this one right as well. I like a few of their songs. And they like Steve Earle.

Top Vocal Group
* Rascal Flatts What the fuck happened here? Rascal Flats is not country. Not even a little bit. Id' rather have my balls squashed flat with a wooden hammer than to hear them "sing" one note. Again, this award should have been skipped.

Top Female Vocalist
* Carrie Underwood There was no real winner here. There were no country nominees. If anything, it should have been Miranda Lambert.

Top Male Vocalist
* Brad Paisley I suppose this is OK. Don't let it happen again though.

Album of the Year
* Fearless, Taylor Swift My 3 year old nephew is obsessed with Taylor Swift. As he grows I will turn him to real music. For now he's alright. This should have went to Jamey Johnson as well. Fearless was not a country album.

Entertainer of the Year
* Carrie Underwood I don't even know where to start here. Fans voted for this award. I guess they don't know the meaning of the word "entertainer". They voted for who they like best, that alone shows the sad state of the world. Carrie Underwood is not an entertainer. Hell, she's not even a good singer. Being blond and having a pretty face does not make a real country artist. It sure as hell makes alot of fake ones though. If Carrie Underwood wants to make the world a better place she should shut her damn tofu hole and pose for playboy. It's the only thing she's qualified for.

Something I Wonder About

2009-04-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started thinking. Those that know me know it's usually not a good thing. I started wondering what life would be like if we did not have butt cheeks. I think it would be really hard to keep your pants up. Butt cheeks play a more important role in that than you would think. I bet plumbers would love it, think of all the jokes it would save them from. What would we look at when someone was walking in front of us? Feet? I guess that goes hand in hand with the knowledge that if women wore nothing but hats the only thing men would want to see would be the top of their head. It's true, think about it. Without butt cheeks sitting would be completely different. I have not yet figured out how it would work. When I do I'll let you know. Without butt cheeks their would be no spanking. Kids would love that, but some adults would hate it. The phrase "Kiss my ass" would have never been coined. My guess is "Kiss the back of my left knee" would have been the catchphrase instead. It doesn't quite have the same ring to it, but then again, if butt cheeks never existed we would not know any better would we?

Waterfowl And The Judicial System

2009-04-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

I live near Coralville Iowa. In Coralville there is a beautiful city park with all of the normal park-like amenities. This includes a fine pond with a fountain and plenty of ducks walking around. One thing is very different at this park however. It's ILLEGAL TO FEED THE DUCKS!!!!!!

This park is right next to the police station, if you are spotted feeding the ducks you will be issued a citation by the police. Feeding the ducks could possibly alter the course of your life. We all know that if you fail to pay a citation a warrant is issued for your arrest. That means the police will be looking for you. You will be arrested, processed, and booked, then placed in a cell, all because some ducks were hungry.

Picture this, you are in a cell with many other people all bragging about what they are "in for". The fat guy in a bunny suit says "I beat 27 people to death with a rubber carrot." The tiny geeky looking guy with a bad goatee just keeps repeating "I told those fuckers I'd show 'em." Now, all eyes are on you. You draw up to your full heigth, look that big sum bitch in a bunny suit in the eye and say........... "I fed the ducks."

Personally, I would demand a jury trial. Unless the prosecutor finds 12 people who were traumatized by waterfowl I think it's a pretty safe bet.