Friday, November 2, 2012
Monday, October 24, 2011
1. Any person, that is seen in public with their ass hanging out of their pants will pay a fine of $250 or serve 30 days in jail. For every further offense the fine /jail time will double. If a 5th offense happens the offender will never be allowed to wear pants or underwear again. If they want their ass hanging out do damn bad, so be it.
2. All roads will have computer chips embedded every 500 yards that will read the speed on every passing car. The speed will be matched via a computer chip in the car that contains the drivers information. If the driver is speeding, a ticket will be sent to the drivers home automatically.
3. All street legal, motorized vehicles will have a maximum speed of 80 miles per hour.
4. The national symbol will be changed from the bald eagle to the Eastern diamondback rattlesnake.
5. Texas will be returned to Mexico.
6. Bacon cheeseburgers will have zero calories. The money and science currently being used to create newer weapons will be redirected to this project.
7. Congressmen and senators will make $55,000 each per year. Lobbying will be illegal. They will no longer be voting on their own pay and benefits, Americans will decide based on a popular vote.
8. Congress and senate will have 6 year term limits. They will be subject to recall at any time if they are not voting the way they promised during their campaigns.
9. Products not made in America will be subject to 150% higher taxes than those that are. It will bring back jobs and the national pride that left a generation ago.
10. The national anthem will be "If my heart had an ass I'd kick it (for lovin' you) by Chris Davis. Just because I really like that song.
11. Cindy Clark Hudson will be installed as the CEO of Facebook, because I REALLY hate the changes that have been made to the site.
12. More things will be made out of metal. All this plastic crap bugs me.
That's it for now, I am sure more will be added. I hope I can count on your vote.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
2. When did you decide to try to reach the 5000 friend mark? Beginning of 2010 I made a public effort to hit 1000, and then kept adding. At beginning of 2011, I think I was about 3500-4000, and decided that 5000 was an achievable goal.
3. What was your inspiration for it? To reach 5000. Simple as that:) Actually, what I would usually tell people who asked, is that I really do have more fun with more friends on facebook. So I figure I’d have the MOST fun with 5000 :) All this other stuff, that has come after, was not expected.
4. Where did you come up with the idea for posting advice questions? In the past there was a thing going around where people would post that they were being COMPLETELY honest for the next 24 hours and that friends should inbox them with any question and they’d answer it. I reluctantly posted, and had fun answering the questions. The weird thing that happened, is that I had a few friends basically ask me advice, honest advice. So, when the honesty thing made its rounds again, it got me to thinking, maybe EVERYONE wants to answer these questions. Why keep the “have you ever sharted?” and “who should I date?” questions to myself. :)
5. Do you think it's odd that on TV people can't hear other people arguing in the next room 5 feet away? Not at all, I am a mother. My own children can’t hear me yelling for them to pick up their shoes from 6 inches away
6. What is your favorite advice request so far? I think, in general, the ones where the person is really hurting, and needing an honest opinion about their situation. And then my friends rise to the challenge, and reach out the anonymous friend with support and knowledge. I had one friend who posted about a “friend” who was married to a child molester, and was struggling with still caring about him, and what to tell the kids when he was released. It broke my heart, especially when the poster then told me it was her. A few weeks later I realized that I had an old friend who had been in her position, and I made sure they connected. Just so she knew she wasn’t alone.
7. Captain Steve and Tommy Lang can be brutally honest at times, were you scared to go on KCJJ? Terrified. I am a long time listener of the station. Listened to Don & Mike in the afternoons while pregnant with my oldest, and now my schedule is such that I listen to the mornings a lot. So, I know how Capt Steve is. I know he is rough on people he doesn’t like, and I always assume not everyone is going to like me. AND, he had recently unfriended me on FB, so there was a real possibility that he didn’t. But, they put me immediately at ease, and I now really look forward to my Wednesday morning on air threesome. I like to think I can be brutally honest too, but I do try to temper that by thinking of the feelings of others, and trying to put myself in another’s shoes, before just going off on them. Usually. So I think we all balance each other out. However, I do always assume that the current segment is my last, because I never know, lol.
To see Cindy live go to www.1630KCJJ.com and click on the "raw" link. Wednesday mornings, you will have fun, I promise.
8. You are so honest and open on facebook that a lot of my standard questions have already been answered. Want to use this spot to pimp some favorite local places?
Hmm, Lorenz 2.0 shoe store, of course.
9. Are you recognized by random facebook friends you really haven't met on the streets yet? Over the last year, a handful of times I’ve had maybe 5 or 6 people (if that) come up and tell me hi. It is a small community, really, the chances of me running into fb friends are large. I only get annoyed when I find out someone saw me and didn’t introduce themselves to me :) I will say, that I have been TRYING to be on my best behavior lately, just because I know that someone may know me now, and I don’t want them posting on my wall that they saw me acting like a douche somewhere.
10. How do you feel about ducks? Anti-duck. Unless they come with a side of cheesy rice.
11. Why do you hate ducks? LOL, several reasons. ex was a hunter, and i tend to like what my boy likes, so we ended up with nine million mallard themed things in the house. and also, duck sex is duck gang rape, or so i've been told. ick.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
How many of you know who I am talking about? You are thinking "Bin Laden" right?....... WRONG.
I am writing about Geronimo. One of the greatest men who ever lived. Got the idea for this due to the fact that for the operation that killed Bin Laden they gave him the code name "Geronimo". Pissed me off, but then I started thinking... The game never really changed, America is still playing "cowboys and Indians".
You have a group of people that talk in a strange language, they hate the Americans, live their own way, practice a religion that many find strange and ever fearful, fighting for Americans to leave their land and basically just leave them the fuck alone.
By the terms of the "War on Terror" America has fought this before, back in the old days when the Native Americans were slaughtered for being on the whites land before the whites got here. Back then "Injuns" were just as hated and feared as the "terrorists" of today, I'd say even more so due to the fact that they were living in close quarters with the white devils that kept fucking with them.
Fast forward a couple hundred years. Native Americans are revered the world over as an honorable people who fought for what they believed in, no matter what the cost.
I may be a bit biased here, I get accused of that every now and then, but the Cherokee blood that runs through my veins BOILS every time I see the news about America pushing their "democracy' and "freedom" on a group of people. It's only freedom if they all want it, otherwise it's just a different set of chains.
Now, look a couple hundred years into the future, history shows that Bin Laden and his followers will be lauded in song and story as visionaries, and men who stood by their principals no matter what the cost. Give it time, It will happen. Not just yet, but then again I am betting it was many, many, many moons after the Little Bighorn before the first songs about Sitting Bull were done.
Peace and Love Ya'll
Monday, April 11, 2011
He told me that he's just gotten back to driving after 8 weeks in the hospital with peritonitis, and several other gastric problems brought on by drinking, after that he was in detox. He started drinking because he always felt different from everyone else, he never fit in, and messed up every relationship he ever had with family and friends.
He told me that while in the hospital he was diagnosed for the first time with a chemical imbalance in his brain. He did not remember what the name of his disease was but with tears running down his face he told me "I never knew my brain was messed up. I always just thought I was a horrible person." He described his past, impulsive bouts of anger, then drinking out of regret for what he's done. Splitting open his brothers head with a 2x4 because he thought his brother was going to kill his mother when he picked up a knife at a family BBQ. Then going to jail and not understanding why his mother would not back his story up, because to him, it was real.
Some of you may be thinking this guy is just nuts and doesn't belong in society but I saw something different. A man that was amazed that a medicine and someone to talk to could make him "normal" and I saw his sadness because now that his mind is clear, he clearly sees the wreckage of his past. He has embraced his problems and failures, has committed himself to righting the wrongs, and getting his life "normal".
I try not to get to personal with people I see at work. This guy is gonna stick with me for awhile though. Before he left I shook his hand and wished him good luck. Also asked him to look me up next time he delivers to I.P. so I can check in with him. I don't know if he'll make it on his road to recovery, but I sure hope he does. Say a little prayer for trucker Steve tonight, he's spent his whole life in hell, lets see if we can get him closer to heaven.
Peace and Love ya'll
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Leviticus is the Old Testament I have been told repeatedly by people that I know who are WAY more knowledgeable than I am on the bible that "We are no longer living under the Old Testament" so I should concentrate on the New Testament. I have done that. The closest I can come to finding condemnation for homosexuals in the New Testament is Mark 7-21 It says For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' "
"Sexual Immorality" covers a HUGE area. Just those two words by my estimate will condemn 95% of men, gay or straight, women too. Oral sex is considered by a huge majority to be a sin, I'd bet $2 and my left nut that it's overlooked by those same people whenever they are in the mood...
Nowhere does it mention homosexuality. Also, if we are truly living under the New Testament, why are we still being told the evils of gay marriage in churches all over? God loves people. God created people. God even created gay and lesbian people. God loves them. Why do you hate them?
I know that a HUGE majority of conservative Christians believe that homosexuality or Lesbianism is a choice. They simply are wrong. I suspect however that the vast majority will never be willing to look at any scientific research that proves otherwise.
I personally have known several people that are gay or lesbian when they were young. It was clear even at a very young age that they were vastly different in how they presented themselves, spoke, and interacted with other members of their gender. So, going by what I am told to believe by those that side with God is that 4 and 5 year old children have made a conscious decision to be gay. Really? Please open your eyes and think.
I believe in God too. I freely admit that when it comes to living a good clean Christian life I can't live up to most. I don't even try. I believe that love is love. If two people love each other they should be able to get married. Why should gays and lesbians not be allowed the right to be as miserable as straight married couples?
Finally, in this religious argument that lesbians should not be allowed to marry it's clear that it has no merit under "God's Law". Lesbians are never mentioned in the bible.
God loves us all, whether we have hate in out heart or not. Those who speak out against gay marriage are simply telling the world they feel that they are better than others. Guess what? That's a sin.......
Peace and Love Ya'll
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The scene opens with God sitting at his workbench with his machines on creating a new creature. He has created the body, legs, and tail of this creature, as he is moving onto the neck he glances down into the Garden of Eden to check on things and sees Eve running around naked, yet again.
"Great Googly Moogly"!!!! God exclaims. "St. Peter!!!!, Hey Pete get in here, she's naked again"!!!!
"Bring some beer"!! God yells, "I've never seen her do this before."
St. Peter comes running in lugging a case of Miller High Life.
"What's she doing now, God"? he asks.
"Not sure what you call it". God replies, "But I did not intend for a snake to be used in that manner, hand me a beer".
"I don't know why she keeps doing crap like his". God says "I gave them a fig tree, I even strongly hinted that the leaves would be perfect for covering up a little. She sure makes it hard to get any work done".
"Speaking of work" St. Peter says, "What are you working on now"?
"HOLY CRAP"!!!! God yells as he turns around "I forgot to turn the machine off"!!!!!!
St. Peter turns to see what is going on and starts howling with drunken laughter. "What the hell is that"???? he howls. Seeing the newly created creature with an extremely long neck.
"I was working on the neck when that idiot in the garden distracted me". says God as he begins to laugh as well. "Man, when this thing gets a sore throat it's gonna be really pissed." he says with a giggle.
"It looks all out of proportion" St. Peter says
"I will fix the neck". God says "Wait, I have a better idea" he says as he begins to giggle uncontrollably. "I'm gonna make the legs longer instead, They will think I was on acid when I made this thing."
Our scene ends with God and St. Peter finishing off the case of beer and laughing like only drunken men can. What started out as a mistake has become one of the most beloved animals on earth. Funny how things work out.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Everyone who knows me knows that I am a liberal. Not just a little liberal, if I lean any farther left I will probably fall off. I don't hate conservatives as some people think I do. I think they are wrong about everything, but I don't hate them.
What really, really bothers me is conservatives touting themselves as the party of religion and Jesus. There are several things against this that I'd like to point out.
First off, I'd like you to picture in your head your vision of a hippie. I am betting you picture a man with long hair, a beard, probably wearing sandals. Jesus was a hippie. Hippies are liberal, they love the whole world and all it's sights and sounds. Conservatives do not.
The conservative party is the one that is totally against abortion AND is totally in favor of the death penalty. Murder is murder. Before you start, I have read the bible too. I know all about "an eye for an eye". I also know about the 10 commandments, they overrule all other law. The 6th commandment does not say "Thou shall not kill except in these cases". It says "Thou shall NOT KILL."
Jesus worked hard for the common man. Do I really need to explain this further? The dude was a liberal.
Jesus went all Bruce Lee on the asses of the money changers who were corrupting the temple. Moneylenders=Capitalism=Conservatives. Jesus won. Jesus was a liberal.
Jesus washed the feet of his disciples to teach them humility. Can you really picture a conservative doing this? If you say yes, you are either lying to yourself, or totally clueless. Picture who gives to and helps out the downtrodden, liberals. Jesus was a liberal.
I rest my case.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
1. Who are your biggest musical influences?
KISS, CHEAP TRICK, WAYLON JENNINGS, GRAM PARSONS, LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM just to name a scattered few...
2. What was your first guitar?
My actual first guitar, other than tennis rackets that I MADE INTO GUITARS, was one that had no brand name on it. It had a bunch of toggle switches and buttons on it. Not your typical guitar. It had a tobacco sunburst finish and strat type body style. Probably some mail order or TV guitar. I paid 15 bucks for it.
3. Do you still have it?
No, was just saying last night that I wish I still had every guitar I have ever owned. Oh, except one.. I had a Kramer "Striker" for a while when I was 18 or 19 that I am glad to be parted with.. That thing wouldn't stay in tune for NOTHING !
4. How did you get the gig to sing a song for the "Guitar Hero 3" game?
Well, first off I used to sing in an Alice Cooper tribute band called THE SICK THINGS. So one day a close friend of mine gets a call from a friend of HIS and the guy wants the number to the local DJ, because he does these things called "Twisted Tunes" where he tries to find singers that sound just like the original, but have them sing funny words over the tune instead. For instance, he once did the song "What If God was one of us?" and had the singer change it to 'What If God smoked cannabis?" That kind of thing. Well the guy on the other end of my buddy's phone wanted that DJ's number so he could find someone who sounded like Alice Cooper. My buddy said, "you don't need to call anyone, I know just the guy." The next day I was in the studio singing the song. Funny thing tho, I recorded my vocal BEFORE they recorded the music. Modern technology !!
5. Where is your favorite place on earth?
Well, I haven't done an extensive amount of traveling. But there is an old military base up on the Islands north of Seattle called Fort Casey. It was built in 1897 in case of an attack. No gun was ever fired there. It was never used. But it IS in the movie "An Officer and a Gentlemen" when dude is making Richard Gere do the push ups out in the rain. That is Fort Casey. It is in other scenes of that movie as well. I am not sure why I like it so much there, but I can go and hang out there all day long. You can spend hours walking around this place, underground into dark bunkers, way above ground where all the canons are still in place. It is just, for some weird reason, relaxing to me to hang out there...
Lately tho, it is Leipers Fork TN.
I love the vibe of that place...
6. What's next with your music, are you working on a new record?
I have the songs for a new record and I keep saying I am going to start one, but I am a little technically challenged when it comes to using the studio here. Every time I think I figure it out and I am ready to record there seems to be something else I don't know that holds me up. But I do hope to get started on it soon... I really like a lot of the new material I have written for it. Now if I can just get it recorded the way I hear it in my head. THAT is always the biggest problem...
7. What would you say is your "dream venue" for a show?
Saturday Night Live. Can't explain why. Some folks will say playing a big venue... for me... SNL has always been it. I know that's funny, but it's true. Perhaps I should learn to set my sights higher.. HAHA
8. It's well known that you hate tomatoes. Is this just the fruit itself or tomato based items such as spaghetti sauce as well?
Just the tomato. I do not like BIG SLICES of tomato on my food. I can handle small diced ones to a certain extent. But I have no problem with catchup or Spaghetti Sauce. I am weird, what can I tell ya...
9. What is your favorite song of all time, and why?
Well, I used to very quickly say MY WAY. Elvis' version, although Franks version is great too. I just love that Elvis live version... But I am not really sure I have a favorite ALL TIME song. I love so much music, it really changes from day to day...
10. How do you feel about ducks?
Well, I grew up in Oregon.... so sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night like Billy Bob Thornton in that movie "BANDITS." I just wake up and scream "BEAVERS AND DUCKS" for NO REASON AT ALL !!!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Taylor Swift? I really want her to make a swift exit from the public eye. She is NOT country. You know that surgery for dogs to cut their vocal chords when they bark to much? I think Taylor Swift is the perfect candidate for the human trial.
Carrie Underwood? She has a good porn star name, that's what she should be doing. She can't sing and she is NOT country.
Rascal Flatts? I'd rather have by balls squashed flat with a wooden hammer than to hear one note from these bastards. Again, IT'S NOT COUNTRY.
I don't know who decided that steel guitar and fiddle no longer belong in Nashville but that person is the world's leading expert on jackassery. (it's a word, I just made it up)
Second, people with cell phones are getting out of control. It seems very clear that most people cannot talk on a cell phone AND push a shopping cart without running into people, yet they are allowed to DRIVE A CAR while using them.....
The other day at a store I heard two teenage girls talking to each other very loudly. They were speaking to each other in text message shorthand, cell phones are making today's children stupid. They can no longer speak and spell words correctly. You may think "Hey, they are just kids, it's no big deal". These kids are going to grow up though, they will be performing your heart surgery, and running your country someday.
The people who wander around with the little bluetooth things in their ear..... Wow, their is so much to say about them I don't really know where to begin. Do you really feel you are so important you HAVE to be able to talk to anyone, anytime? Really? Is the checkout line at Wal-Mart the best time to talk to your cousin about his genital warts? YOU PEOPLE ARE BUGGING THE FUCK OUT OF ME AND I DEMAND IT STOP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Third, republicans. Well, they bug me all the time, see previous blogs...
Fourth, people who do not use their turn signals. OOOHHH how I loathe you. I am keeping track, and when I am in charge of the world you will pay, you will pay dearly.
Fifth, FOX news. "Fair and Balanced"? Really? If FOX news is fair and balanced I will wear a sundress to church Sunday, complete with a parasol. Fox news is skewed so far to the right I really don't see how is stays on the TV screen. To Glen Beck, man, just shut the fuck up. I don't like you.
That's all for now. This message was brought to you be Copenhagen Snuff. Since 1822, it satisfies.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
1. I hate that people find it necessary to classify music under certain banners, good music is good music, but it happens without fail. When I go to the record store to buy The Road of Six what section will I be looking in?
Wow, I think (and this is just my opinion of course) it would be classified in americana, pop rock or yes, country??? Whatever that might bring to ones thoughts on today's country music. My band Eastmountainsouth was in all three sections and I do believe indy stores now have a "americana section" even a "alt country/roots" section. We *EMS* were once slaughtered by a critic from No Depression right after releasing our debut album on Dreamworks 2003. It broke my heart when I read that Roy Katzen said that we were not "country, americana nor pop rock and at the end of his review he had mentioned that our band's music was and I quote "like cream in your coffee.. you see it but it fades away quickly never to see it again".. something like that anyway. Then in a second, I quit feeling sorry for myself because I think that if you can't put a stamp on an artists music, one can take it as a huge compliment. I am sure that he was not trying to be kind but I had to be positive and get some thick skin since that was my first recording on a major label!
2. How does The Road of Six compare musically to East Mountain South?
This recording is a little more raw and personal. All six songs have something to do with my experience since the band's ending and what I have gone through since then. One of the tracks of course is politically motived, another track is the day when I met my husband.. we had saved our daughters in utero heartbeat for the first sound of the record. Mary Chapin Carpenter sings with me "March" Another track is about my postpartum depression.. etc,,,
I feel so much more WOMAN then I ever have in my life. Being a mother of two not only made me grow in so many ways but I soon realized how strong I really was.. even in the midst of what I would say success was to me at that time in my life, my success was truly having my daughters and seeing how capable I really am. Music to me, has taken on a whole different meaning and I recognize that I cannot take anything for granted I am filled with gratitude that I have never known before!
3. When will The Road of Six be released?
I am hoping to get the GREEN LIGHT to finally say that I am joining the roster with Sarathan Records. They are putting this record out in the next couple months and at the very latest.. the first of the new year Jan 2010. They want to start the promotion soon so we can have a proper release! Just getting details handled at the moment!
4. What was your inspiration for this album?
I finally recorded this record after many years of beating myself up thinking that I had to be the person that I was during my time with EMS. I went through so many emotions asking myself why I write, why music comes to me they way it does and truly digging down deep and finding my own path of timing. It was simply that.. timing! I do have to say that the catalyst of making this Ep were my musical friends.. one of which I OWE everything to.. Neilson Hubbard who inspired me greatly musically, artistically and personally! He was the one who "kicked my ass" into his studio.. He was the producer on the Road of Six and one who I consider to be one of the most musically articulate people I have ever met.
5. Who are your biggest musical inspirations?
That is a LOADED question.. Uh, Ok.. let's see.. I think if my friends were on a game show and asked "who is one of Kat's FAVORITE artists, they would automatically say Rickie Lee Jones and Vince Gill.. in fact, those are the two I named in the liner notes of the Eastmountainsouth record. So many to name.. but I will tell you they range from the turn of the century to the present time from punk music to bluegrass..
6. Knowing they may not be the same as above, who are your favorite singers?
Rickie Lee, Vince, Paul Buchanan Barbra, Miki Howard, Jennifer Terran, Garrison Starr ,Mary Chapin, Beth Neilson Chapman, Martin Sexton, Yolanda Williams,Patty Griffin, Chris Knight,Thom Yorke, Michael McDonald, Steve Earle, Peter Gabriel, Dave Gahan, Luke Bulla, Nathan Lee ,Travis Howard, Mary Gauthier Andrea Zonn, Ingrid Graudins, it's sounds all not in the right order. it's just what's in my head right now..
7. If you could have only 5 albums for the rest of your life what do you choose?
Girl at her Volcano Rickie Lee Jones
Pocket Full of Gold Vince Gill
HENRY GORECKI Symphony No 3 with Dawn Upshaw
A Star is Born 1976 w/ Barbra Striesand and Kris Kristofferson
Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber.
8. How do you balance a music career and being a mother? It can't be an easy thing to do.
You are so right about that! I don't see how there really is a true balance and sometimes I actually feel sorry for myself. I look at established artists who are able to accommodate their families financially while they tour or being able to take them on the road which would be such a luxury but then I think about Loretta Lynn and others in her shoes that didn't have as much as we do as a new generation of mommy musicians. I then, jump back into reality and as candid as I can be, it's about communication with your partner, hubby, wife and simply asking for HELP. Luckily, my husband Darryl is an outstanding father and I know he is my biggest cheerleader when it comes to my career..It's extremely hard at times but the balance becomes small sacrifices and I believe that's what true love is all about.. making those changes whether you want to or not but I think my husband and I both know it's more beneficial in the long run for all of us.. I know one thing that having children made me grow more of a backbone than I ever had before. it certainly puts things in a different perspective and light. I can't say that what I read in books captured ANYTHING of what I have gone through being a mommy but I would never change one moment or one second of pain..it's so well worth it and it's made me stronger as a singer songwriter!
9. For me, music is all about emotion. If a song brings a strong emotional reaction it has done it's job. What is the most emotional song you have ever heard?
So many name.. and I am going to name one of the thousands that move me..
Rainbow Sleeves: ( Girl at Her Volcano).. This song rips my HEART out of my chest. The whole record is a masterpiece in my mind and it shaped me in so many ways.. I am just playing it now as I write and I still CRY when I hear it. It evokes so much emotion in me because when I started listening to Rickie.. that's when I knew what I wanted to do the rest of my days!
10. I fully intend to be elected president of the United States someday. I will fill my cabinet with my favorite singers. Which cabinet position would you choose and why?
No need for 2012.. Obama will run for the 8 year term.. mark my words and I can't wait to see Sarah eat hers! Can't beat the O man! All I can say is that I just watched my Tivo'ed Oprah with Sarah Palin. I think I will run in 2012 just to let her know that she has major competition! I'll have someone make up the bumper stickers right away..Yes, I just dodged your question!
11. How do you feel about ducks?
I love Ducks. Many years ago, I actually cooked a Peking Duck for Thanksgiving dinner and even though I patted myself on the back for actually following through with the recipe which in most cases I never do.. It was yummy but I felt soo horrible. I thought about Daffy, Donald and the others I treasured as a child. That was my first and last time I would ever handle a duck unless it was ALIVE and floating in the water!
Monday, October 5, 2009
I wish more things were still made out of metal.
I think the republican party is the greatest evil the world has ever known.
I have an opinion on everything.
I am not shy about sharing my opinions.
Based on books per week x weeks in my life I have read 5,683 books since I learned to read.
I fully intend to run for president someday.
I think I can win.
I believe very strongly in God, but I always lock my door.
I believe when it's my time to die I will die, nothing I do between now and then will alter that, there is no other plausible explanation as to why I am still alive with all the stupid shit I did when I was young.
I don't agree with abortion but would never support a law saying a woman can't choose one.
I like animals better than I like people.
I think that rattlesnakes are the most honest creatures on God's earth. They don't pretend or lie, if you fuck with them you will get bit. They even warn you.
I don't forgive and I never forget. If you pissed me off in jr. high, I still don't like you.
I only listen to AM talk radio. There is nothing on FM worth hearing anymore.
I am far older than my years.
I believe violence is a form of ignorance.
I really want to learn to play guitar. It's my only real goal right now.
I don't have a guitar.
I feel only 5 people are qualified to teach me guitar, and they are far to busy to do so.
Those people are Steve Earle, Todd Snider, Guy Clark, Chelle Rose and John Hiatt.
When I get to heaven if a harp is the only choice I will not carry and instrument. I have no interest in learning to play a harp.
I will never conform to what someone else thinks I should be.
My idea of dressing up is a T-shirt that still has it's sleeves.
I am never satisfied to just know the answer to something, I have to know why it's the answer.
I spend a lot of time wondering about weird random shit.
It's why I don't sleep well.
I think I should have been born 200 years ago.
I am a very emotional person, but my face never shows emotion.
My nieces and nephews are the most important part of my life.
Seeing them smile and laugh make all of the other shit worth going through.
I am afraid of needles that do not have ink on them.
Nurses who have given me a shot or taken blood think I am insane.
I am a pretty tough guy for most things, but a tiny little spider can make me pee myself.
That's about it...............
Friday, September 11, 2009
Lets look deeper into this statement. I defy you to find one parent in the history of the world that has said "I just love Jimmie's new underpants." Of course the Name Jimmie is random and can be substituted for any other name. If there are parents out there who say these types of things I feel the children should be removed from their home.
As for the kids "looking real fly" that makes no sense to me either. Again, I simply refuse to believe that parents buy kids back to school underpants with how they will look to others in mind. If it's really happening where the hell is this school they are going to and why are the parents sending their children to it?
Now lets look more into these singing men in fruit costumes. How do you cast something like this? You can't just say "we need singing fruits", this would bring in people hoping for a whole different audience. It also seems unlikely to me that word was put out for exactly what the commercials were going to be.
I am betting it was just a random open casting call. Lots of men showed up hoping to be seen. As the producer announced they were looking for men to dress up as giant fruit and sing about underwear I'd imagine there was a mass exodus for the door. This is the point where the producer said "you will also be working with dozens of beautiful women dressed only in bras and panties."
I am fairly certain this is where we got the phrase "They stopped in their tracks".
Monday, August 31, 2009
I am not even close to being over losing my Grandma Annie, I was just getting to know her when she died. In 2002 I moved to Louisiana to help my grandparents when Grandma Annie was sick. I figured up that before I moved here I had spent 5 weeks with them that I could remember spread out over several years. They needed my help and although I did not realize it at the time I needed their help more. Those of you that really know me already know that story, and I'm not going to get into it here, just know that if I had went to Louisiana in 2002 I would not be here today writing this.
I spent hours with Grandma Annie while I was with her right her in this house I am writing from. I learned about the old days, how her and grandpa met, where she'd been and where she still wanted to go. I got to know my Grandma Annie in the last 6 months of her life. In doing that I learned what the important things in life really are, and my life totally changed. It needed to.
I heard hours upon hours of stories about everything from growing up to getting old. I loved every one. I did not offer her any stories of mine, she would not have approved of any of them.
We talked about movies one day and she mentioned that her favorite movie was driving Miss Daisy. I went and got it, helped her to her rocking chair and we watched it together. Her face lit up like I had never seen. The next week was my birthday and she was upset. When I asked her what was wrong she said she wished she was well enough to bake me a cake. I told her I did not need a cake, birthdays don't mean a thing to me.
A week later she was gone.
I was mad at myself for not coming sooner. I was furious with god for taking her. I felt cheated because I was just getting to know her.
Throughout the time I lived with my grandparents about once a week we would eat vegetable beef soup that Grandma Annie had made and canned. When you "can" something it's in a jar, I say this for any of the younger generation who may not understand that. The soup was delicious, Campbell's could never come close to it. After she died grandpa and I continued our weekly tradition of soup. Then the night came when it was the last jar. We sat through a silent dinner that night with tears pouring down our faces. It was so final, there would never be anymore soup made by Grandma Annie.
Now it's the last jar of pickle relish. Grandpa told me to throw it away. I can't do that. I don't think I can eat it either. It's the last jar, and I don't want to associate that kind of pain with hot dogs, I love hot dogs.
I know she is OK, she told me she was. Many of you reading this will think I'm crazy but that's alright. Like Waylon said, I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane.
Diamond Rio has a song called "I Believe". Every time it came on the radio I cried. One day driving home it came on the radio and I had to pull over because I was crying to hard to drive. As clear as anything I heard my grandma Annie's voice say "Son you need to stop crying, I'm O.K"
To anyone who does not believe there is a heaven, all I have to say is I know there is. I know God and Grandma Annie are watching, I sure hope I don't let them down.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I did a lot of thinking between the time I loaded the dishwasher and the 3 or so hours later before I started the dishwashing process. Was there a way I could remove the spider without causing death or serious injury to myself or others? Perhaps long tweezers with just the right amount of tension so not to squeeze the little creature to death. Maybe a little jar to trap him inside. Let's be serious here, I was not about to pick the thing up with my hands. It would have bit me and I would have died, I am sure of it.
It seems that Jesus looked down and saw my struggle. He chose to help me out. When I opened the dishwasher to look before I started it running the little spider was nowhere to be seen...........
I sincerely hope he escaped through the drain before I unleashed a watery hell the likes of which he had never imagined on him.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Life At The Mustang, Part 1
For a period of time over 10 years ago I worked at a little gas station called "The Mustang Market". It was actually a pretty cool place to work. It's where I met both of the people I call my best friends. I worked the night shift at the "Mustang", as we referred to it. It could get boring at times, especially in the winter when the wind chill was -40 and it was blizzard conditions outside. Two friends of mine named Mike and Sarah used to hang out at the store with me, it helped with the boredom. We also had another guy named Matt Bride that hung out there a lot. Now ol' Matt is a chapter unto himself. Here's a few things to know about Matt.
I called him "smaid" since the first day I met him, it drove him totally fucking crazy because he could not figure out why. After about a year I finally told him. Everyone else got it, I bet most of you have gotten it by now as well. His last name was Bride, I called him Smaid, put them together........... Matt liked to make little bombs out of tinfoil and black powder. He also had a hard lump tumor on his skull that was drained but not removed, it had a hole in the top like a cracked egg. I swear to god I am not making this up. To say that Matt was "a bit unusual" is putting it mildly. He was fascinated by bombs and destruction. I have no idea where he is now but I hope he is in custody.
One night in our boredom Matt, Mike, and I learned that if you get gummy worms wet they will stick to whatever you throw them at. It was a war for the ages..... Imagine 3 men in their early 20's running around the inside of a gas station in the middle of the night tossing wet gummy worms at each other, shooting to kill. I will never forget the moment Matt died as a hero, he was pinned down in the backroom under heavy fire and he made a break for it. Poor Matt got maybe 6 inches out the doorway when Mike threw the shot heard 'round the world. It stuck dead center of Matt's forehead and literally stunned him so bad he fell to the floor. I still laugh about the look on his face when that moist gummy worm made contact over 10 years later.
Another game played at the Mustand was to coat some random item in the store with Vaseline and take bets on if a customer or an employee found it first. It was good wholesome entertainment.
I had what some might refer to as an attitude problem back then. Anyone who came into my store thinking "the customer is always right" was in for a rude awakening. I was a jerk, but then again with the shift I worked at a gas station right off 2 major interstate highways that was probably a good thing. I was the "2am" nazi. In Iowa you have to stop selling alcohol at 2am. I kept the alarm on my watch set and the rule was enforced with an iron fist. I refused to sell alcohol to drunks, which is also illegal, they got pretty pissed about that. Most of the kids that worked there just sold it to them, not me. I said no for the sheer joy of it.
My favorite was the kids that were obviously underage coming in to try to buy beer or tobacco. After about a week at the store you can spot them right away. They look around a lot, wander the aisles until they are the only customer in the store and then approach you trying to buy whatever they wanted. I LOVED these customers. I would set whatever they wanted beside the register and ring up the sale and tell them the total. As they were handing me the money with a happy look on their pimply little face I'd say "Oh yeah, I need to see your I.D.". The happy face went away instantly and it made me smile.
I had customers swing at me, scream at me, and cry. I loved every second of it.
To be continued..................
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Yesterday I saw a woman on the food network cutting up melons and cucumbers, then she washed her hands. That got me thinking. Why didn't she just dab the juice behind her ears and all of the little other places that women put smells. It would have saved her money that day.
I have a new plan to stimulate the economy. Instead of women buying all these fancy cucumber and melon products they should just buy a cucumber and a melon.
They could then juice these products and place the juice in a spray bottle available at any Wal-Mart for 97 cents.
Total investment is about $5 and they will have enough cucumber melon product to last nearly a year in my estimation. This will sell more produce helping California out of it's financial trouble and at the same time save Americans billions of dollars in products every year.
The companies that make these cucumber melon products have enough other wares for sale that they will be able to survive the lack of cucumber melon scent sales. It's a win/win for everyone involved. When I am president I will see to it that this plan is put into effect.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Looking back at all the memories I have I chose my favorite memory from each to share with you.
Jacob is my oldest nephew. He is almost 17 and I could not possibly be prouder of him. When he was about 3 I was eating some extremely hot "Cajun" style potato chips and he kept asking for some. Finally my sister Jennifer said just give him one, so I did. His reaction is one I will never forget as long as I live. He came back for another one but asked me to "blow on it". He knew it was too hot, but he did not understand why.
Maddie is my oldest niece. I gave her the name of "Possum" the day she was born, yes, I know it's not spelled like that. She is 14 and has a boyfriend. I like Austin, but I still hate that she has a boyfriend. He has been warned that is he feels like touching or kissing my beloved niece that uncle Bobby will gladly go to prison after taking care of him. My favorite memory of Possum is an easy choice. When she first came home from the hospital she was very sick, my sister had not slept for 2 or 3 days so I went over and rocked Possum in a chair all night long so Jennifer could get some sleep. Growing up Possum was always uncle Bobby's girl, I truly believe it's because I held her all night when she was first born.
DeLaney is my second youngest niece. I gave her the name of "Little Britches" when she was first born. She will be 13 soon. Most of you know that I have lived in Louisiana before. When grandma was sick I moved here to help care for her. The day when I moved back to Iowa in 2003 Jennifer brought all the kids to see me. When Little Britches walked in I squatted down so she could come give me a hug. She ran across the room with her arms open and hit me so hard I fell over backwards. She then went and told my sister "I tackled him like a touchdown".
Jesse Ray is my youngest nephew. I named him "Cowboy". He is a 3 and a half year old tornado of energy. My greatest memory of him was the day he ran into the house and came straight into my room. He gave me a hug and said "I love you uncle Bobby". Then he was off running somewhere else. It was the first time he ever told me that and it meant the world to me.
Travis Jr. is my newest nephew. He is my brother in law's son from a previous marriage and that makes him my nephew. The boy is 13 and makes me look like a dwarf, he's a giant. He is a fine athlete in any sport he chooses and I am very proud of him for that. Basketball, wrestling, or football he is great at all of them. He can go far in life on his sports ability alone. I will be watching every step of the way.
Macy Ann is my newest niece. Sadly, I have no memories of her because I have never met her. I will someday though, creating memories with my nieces and nephews is the greatest part of my life. I love them all more than they know. I hope someday when I am gone they can look back and think fondly of Uncle Bobby. I have uncles that I hardly know and if I died today it would not affect their life in the least little bit. It would be nothing more than a phone call in a few weeks saying "did you hear the Bobby died"? The answer would probably be "Bobby who"? I did not want me relationship with my nieces and nephews to be like that. I have made it my goal to be am important fixture in their lives, I think I have succeeded in doing that.
To any of my nieces and nephews that may read this remember that I love you very much even though I am not there. Not a day goes by when I don't think about you all.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sarah Palin should be glad someone is still noticing her. Her 15 minutes ran out months ago. She is the world's biggest joke. There is no way possible she was as offended as she claimed to be. Everyone knows republicans have no feelings and they torture puppies before dinner daily.
Was the joke a little low? Yes. Was it funny? Hell yes.
If you don't like lowbrow humor don't watch David Letterman. It's really that simple. Turn your TV to Fox news and watch the republican controlled false news stories. Why the hell did everyone get so pissed anyway? It's not like you went fishing with the woman last week. YOU DON'T KNOW HER, consider yourself lucky that you don't. She steals souls and keeps them in a jar. When she gets 50 she gets in a rowboat and takes them to Russia where she meets up with beings from her home planet and the souls are used for fuel in their ship. It's true, I would not lie to you.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
He was posting on a blog that is run by a good friend and ticking her off. Since pissing off people in Nashville is of no consequence to me I let him know what I thought of him. I tried to make him see that although he can call himself a songwriter, he is not a poet. Any idiot can string words that rhyme together. It's not rocket science. I wanted him to admit that the best songs come straight from the heart, the bastard would not do it. If he had given me his phone number this fight would still be going on.
He is a hack. He makes money by rhyming words that the general public find somewhat endearing. All he has to do is walk to the mailbox and pick up his check. Miss Chelle Rose calls this "mailbox money". I'm not knocking the guy here, it's good work if you can get it. What gets to me is the superior attitude he had that day because Hank Jr. just recorded one of his songs.
The song was "That's how they do it in dixie". It's the perfect Hank Jr. song, I'll admit that. It's full of booze and requires no thought when listening to it. For him to claim he is better than others because of that just infuriated me. Below you will find some examples of songs that are truly from the heart. If you are not willing to think and feel while listening to music they may not be for you. Just please bear in mind MUSIC SHOULD BE FELT, NOT HEARD!!!!!!!!!!
First on my list of from the heart songs is "Wild Violets Pretty" by Chelle rose. It's my favorite of her songs. Even before I knew the story behind the song it tore my heart out. Haunting is the word that describes it best. I'm not going to tell you the story of the song here, it's not my place. If you want to know ask Chelle. If she likes you she just may tell you. She did not sit down to write it hoping for a #1 radio hit. She wrote it because her heart was aching and it's the way she knows best to let the hurt out. The song makes me choke up every time I hear it. For this I say my dear friend Miss Chelle is not a songwriter, she is a poet. Here is a link to this song. www.myspace.com/chellerose
Second is the song I call my favorite. "Have Mercy On me" be Steve Earle. At the time of writing Steve's life was consumed by drugs, guns, cops, ex wives and adultry. He put it all into this masterpiece. The despair he felt is clear in the chorus of the song. It says, "I'm a sinner lord can't you see, have mercy on me". Then the part of the song I believe is called the bridge, not sure about that, but it says "Tears are made to fall, heart's made to break, sometimes it feels like they just wanna know how much you can take". It's a pretty clear statement of how he was feeling at the time. God must have had a plan for Steve Earle, there is no other way he could have survived. Even if you are not a Steve Earle fan I urge you to check out his album called "The Hard Way". It's the most autobiographical album ever recorded by anyone, and it was recorded in 1990 his last album for 6 years, drugs took complete control of his life, and then prison took over for awhile. The whole album is from his heart, although his heart was very dark at the time. Steve Earle is a poet, one of the greatest that ever lived. Here is a link to this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLJvbwC04Io
The third and final from the heart song is "Wine Into Water" by T. Graham Brown. He makes a good living as a songwriter, but he is also a poet. T. Graham Brown was a hardcore alcoholic and it was destroying his marriage and his life. One night at dinner his 4 year old son looked at him and said "Daddy please don't drink tonight". He did not drink that night, or ever again. This song is T. Graham Brown's autoboigraphy. You will FEEL this song, not hear it. The chorus of the song is this
"Tonight I'm as low, as any man can go, I'm down and I can't fall much farther. Once upon a time you turned the water into wine, now on my knees I'm turning to you father, can you help me turn the wine back into water."
The most amazing thing about this song is not only did it come straight from the heart of T. Graham Brown, but it's found it's way into the heart's of countless others, and helped them with their own struggles. It's now an anthem for recovering alcoholics. I'm sure at the time of writing TGB did not have this in mind, his heart was heavy and put his feelings on paper. That makes him a poet. Wine Into Water will live forever and help millions along the way. It's from the heart. Here is a link to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y96-Lmo2eM
Well folks, here you have 3 songs to get you started. If you are content with what you hear on popular radio and don't want to think and feel by all means stick with it. However, if you want to know what REAL music is, and you want to FEEL it. Start with these. There is more out there, I'll be happy to help you discover real music, just ask.
Try to remember music is a living, emotional thing. If a song makes you feel emotion, no matter what that emotion is, it has done it's job.