Letterman and Palin

First off, everyone stop whining and shut up!!! David Letterman is a comedian. He makes jokes and is very good at it. Second, why is Palin so offended with jokes about her daughter having sex? Is there anything else to do in Alaska? I mean besides looking at Russia from the backyard.......

Sarah Palin should be glad someone is still noticing her. Her 15 minutes ran out months ago. She is the world's biggest joke. There is no way possible she was as offended as she claimed to be. Everyone knows republicans have no feelings and they torture puppies before dinner daily.

Was the joke a little low? Yes. Was it funny? Hell yes.

If you don't like lowbrow humor don't watch David Letterman. It's really that simple. Turn your TV to Fox news and watch the republican controlled false news stories. Why the hell did everyone get so pissed anyway? It's not like you went fishing with the woman last week. YOU DON'T KNOW HER, consider yourself lucky that you don't. She steals souls and keeps them in a jar. When she gets 50 she gets in a rowboat and takes them to Russia where she meets up with beings from her home planet and the souls are used for fuel in their ship. It's true, I would not lie to you.

State Of The Union (country music edition)

About a year and a half ago I got into about a 2 week email argument with a man named Mark Irwin. If you don't know that name he is the writer of such songs as "Here In The Real World" by Alan Jackson and "That's How They Do It In Dixie" by Hank Jr. and Gretchen Wilson. His songs have also been recorded by Randy Travis, Chely Wright, Tracy Lawrence, Chris LeDoux, Highway 101, Garth Brooks, Jimmy Buffet and George Jones.

He was posting on a blog that is run by a good friend and ticking her off. Since pissing off people in Nashville is of no consequence to me I let him know what I thought of him. I tried to make him see that although he can call himself a songwriter, he is not a poet. Any idiot can string words that rhyme together. It's not rocket science. I wanted him to admit that the best songs come straight from the heart, the bastard would not do it. If he had given me his phone number this fight would still be going on.

He is a hack. He makes money by rhyming words that the general public find somewhat endearing. All he has to do is walk to the mailbox and pick up his check. Miss Chelle Rose calls this "mailbox money". I'm not knocking the guy here, it's good work if you can get it. What gets to me is the superior attitude he had that day because Hank Jr. just recorded one of his songs.

The song was "That's how they do it in dixie". It's the perfect Hank Jr. song, I'll admit that. It's full of booze and requires no thought when listening to it. For him to claim he is better than others because of that just infuriated me. Below you will find some examples of songs that are truly from the heart. If you are not willing to think and feel while listening to music they may not be for you. Just please bear in mind MUSIC SHOULD BE FELT, NOT HEARD!!!!!!!!!!

First on my list of from the heart songs is "Wild Violets Pretty" by Chelle rose. It's my favorite of her songs. Even before I knew the story behind the song it tore my heart out. Haunting is the word that describes it best. I'm not going to tell you the story of the song here, it's not my place. If you want to know ask Chelle. If she likes you she just may tell you. She did not sit down to write it hoping for a #1 radio hit. She wrote it because her heart was aching and it's the way she knows best to let the hurt out. The song makes me choke up every time I hear it. For this I say my dear friend Miss Chelle is not a songwriter, she is a poet. Here is a link to this song. www.myspace.com/chellerose

music

Second is the song I call my favorite. "Have Mercy On me" be Steve Earle. At the time of writing Steve's life was consumed by drugs, guns, cops, ex wives and adultry. He put it all into this masterpiece. The despair he felt is clear in the chorus of the song. It says, "I'm a sinner lord can't you see, have mercy on me". Then the part of the song I believe is called the bridge, not sure about that, but it says "Tears are made to fall, heart's made to break, sometimes it feels like they just wanna know how much you can take". It's a pretty clear statement of how he was feeling at the time. God must have had a plan for Steve Earle, there is no other way he could have survived. Even if you are not a Steve Earle fan I urge you to check out his album called "The Hard Way". It's the most autobiographical album ever recorded by anyone, and it was recorded in 1990 his last album for 6 years, drugs took complete control of his life, and then prison took over for awhile. The whole album is from his heart, although his heart was very dark at the time. Steve Earle is a poet, one of the greatest that ever lived. Here is a link to this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLJvbwC04Io

The third and final from the heart song is "Wine Into Water" by T. Graham Brown. He makes a good living as a songwriter, but he is also a poet. T. Graham Brown was a hardcore alcoholic and it was destroying his marriage and his life. One night at dinner his 4 year old son looked at him and said "Daddy please don't drink tonight". He did not drink that night, or ever again. This song is T. Graham Brown's autoboigraphy. You will FEEL this song, not hear it. The chorus of the song is this

"Tonight I'm as low, as any man can go, I'm down and I can't fall much farther. Once upon a time you turned the water into wine, now on my knees I'm turning to you father, can you help me turn the wine back into water."

The most amazing thing about this song is not only did it come straight from the heart of T. Graham Brown, but it's found it's way into the heart's of countless others, and helped them with their own struggles. It's now an anthem for recovering alcoholics. I'm sure at the time of writing TGB did not have this in mind, his heart was heavy and put his feelings on paper. That makes him a poet. Wine Into Water will live forever and help millions along the way. It's from the heart. Here is a link to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y96-Lmo2eM

Well folks, here you have 3 songs to get you started. If you are content with what you hear on popular radio and don't want to think and feel by all means stick with it. However, if you want to know what REAL music is, and you want to FEEL it. Start with these. There is more out there, I'll be happy to help you discover real music, just ask.

Try to remember music is a living, emotional thing. If a song makes you feel emotion, no matter what that emotion is, it has done it's job.

Things That Need To Change.

First off with the upcoming process of confirming Sonia Sotomayor as a supreme court justice I wish people would leave politics out of it. The supreme court of the United States is as high as it gets, not even the president can overturn one of their decisions. Politicians make the laws the supreme court is sworn to uphold or declare unconstitutional.

That fact alone should remove politics from the equation. Federal judges should have no party affiliation of any kind. The supreme court should not be used by political parties to reexamine decisions made by the court years ago. The biggest example being Roe vs. Wade. It has been decided by the highest court in the land. Leave it alone.

The electoral college also needs to go. We now have the technology to count every individual vote nationwide immediately. Without the electoral college system Bush would never have been president. Think how great it would be to have those 8 years back.......... It has happened two other times as well. There is no reason in the world that the man who gets the most votes should not be elected president. It is unacceptable, and when I am in charge it will change.

The separation of church and state needs to go as well. It's all smoke and mirrors anyway. Candidates profess their love for god and church, yet claim to want separation. They can't have it both ways. Our money says "In God We Trust" it's issued by the government. I also think every courtroom needs the 10 commandments hanging in it. Maybe a lot of those who have no respect for the law of man will think twice when it's pointed out which law of God they broke.

I also believe if all the politicians who profess their faith in God talked to him once in awhile they would not be so hasty in their decisions.

Nowhere in our constitution does it say we only have 2 political parties. We have many choices in party affiliation but only democrats and republicans are allowed to take part in debates, conventions, and most other political gatherings at election time. Why can't people see how wrong this is. If Ron Paul were able to reach more people I guarantee he would be president right now. I voted for Obama, and I support him. I did not vote for Ron Paul simply because with the amount of exposure he had not enough people knew about him, and he never stood a chance.

The biggest thing I want to change is that I want a 10 question quiz at the polls for everyone who shows up to vote. If you cannot answer basic questions about the candidates you will not be allowed to vote. An uninformed voter is far more dangerous to our country than someone who does not vote at all.

Shredded Wheat

I like shredded wheat cereal very much. Especially blueberry. One of my greatest joys in life is the last bowl of shredded wheat from the box. In that bowl you get all of the little broken pieces that have fallen off.

Someone asked me awhile back why I don't just crumble the cereal up all the time if I like it that way. Well, the answer to that is simple. If I did that I would not have that last bowl to look forward to.

The little joys in life are often the best.

Random things

Do fish get thirsty? I mean are they constantly drinking water, or every once in awhile does a fish think "I'm parched." Then pucker up his little fish lips and take a sip of water. This one weighs heavy on my mind, if you know the answer please let me know.

If you lead a horse to water but can't get him to drink, you still have the satisfaction of knowing you led a horse to water. Not everyone gets to do that.

I believe that most people believe in god "Just in case". They use their church as a sort of clubhouse and entry is limited, in some cases invitation only. Those people don't know god very well at all.

I am thinking of starting a new business. Bumper stickers for cows. Think of how often you drive by cattle. All of that advertising space is not being utilized.

Please don't take this as "anti-american" although I have been accused of that many times already. I am confused as to why the terrorist groups are called "cowards" on the news and by the government because they attack by surprise in small groups, then run. The militia did this same thing during the American revolution, they were called "patriots"

Keys? I don't need no stinkin keys.

Ice cream is cold and I think it's really cool. That blows my mind.

Visualize cheese.

I love plums but I hate prunes. A prune tastes nothing like a plum. It tastes just like a raisin. I don't like raisins either. Come to think of it, I'm not fond of grapes.

Vote for me, I would make a great president.

In the future instead of wars countries should hold barbeques. I think they would be surprised how easily you can work out problems over ribs and cold beer.

I spent quite a bit of time thinking about where I would fly first if I work up one day with a set of eagle wings.

Why aren't small freezers called shallow freezes?

Things That Make Me Happy.

I posted while back about things that piss me off. That may have been viewed as a bit negative. So for the sake of staying a bit more even keeled here is a list of things that make me happy.

First and foremost are my nieces and nephews. They are the best part of my life and they mean more to me than they probably know.

My family, they have put up with me far longer than anyone should have to.

Puppies. I don't think I will ever have another dog. My dog Prince was the best dog that ever lived, and I just can't take it when they die. I still love puppies though.

Clever T-shirts. They are a must, I am especially fond of those that have anti-republican sayings on them. Chalk this one up as a negative positive.

Really cold beer on a really hot evening.

Being alone with no sounds but nature. It's the most peaceful feeling one can have.

Ducks. I'm not sure why, I just really like ducks.

Friday Night Lights. I freaking LOVE that show.

Reading books. I love to read, I always have.

Fishing with grandpa Chuck. I may never get the chance to do it again but I will always have the memories.

A cheeseburger with bacon, blue cheese crumbles and a vinegar based BBQ sauce. I truly believe this is what God has for dinner every night.

The music of Steve Earle, Chelle Rose, and Todd Snider.

Snakes.

Getting a new tattoo. It's a great feeling, hurts like hell, but a great feeling.

Knowing that someday this will all be over and I can talk to God and Grandma Annie, and play fetch with Prince.

That's pretty much it.

What I Believe In

Several people have asked me why my Facebook page says "Socialist" under my political affiliation. I am a registered democrat, but I always look at all sides of every candidate and every issue before voting. I have never voted for a republican because I have yet to agree with any of their ideas. Done correctly Socialism is not an evil thing. How many of you go to the library? Libraries are a Socialist ideal. Universal healthcare is my mail goal for Socialism. Most of you know I was injured several years ago. I am now healed just enough that I am not eligible for any benefits, but still injured enough that I cannot do most jobs. The ones I am able to do will not provide health insurance. Basically, that means I am screwed.

I can never see a doctor again as long as I live. Well, I can but I don't have the money to pay for it, so I can't. It's an interesting world we live in.

Many people think that you must be against gay marriage and gay people in general if you believe in God. What a crock. I am not gay, not even a little bit, yet I support gay marriage and will until the day I die. I also believe very strongly in God. He has yet to tell me I must choose between them. I don't understand how people who proclaim to believe so strongly in God can be so full of hate. We are all his children, and although he loves us all, I bet he shakes his head now and then asking himself "Where did I go wrong?"

I have never belonged to a group. I have never wanted to. If you give me 2 options for something I'm going to take option 3. It's my nature. I don't like conformity. I will never wear a certain brand of clothes just because a "celeb" is wearing them. I feel sorry for those who do. It's such a shallow way of life. We were all given a brain of our very own, it's up to us to either do what we really want to, or to take the easy way and just "fit in". There has yet to be a group created that I fit into. I think to much and I think for myself.

I fear my government. There, I said it. Not as much now that Obama is President. I believe he can and will save the world. I still fear though. Bush destroyed in less than 8 years what it took over 200 to build. He took away many of my freedoms, I am not O.K. with that. The single biggest complaint I have is that the United States was founded by people that decided to fight or what they believe in. 200 years later the descendants of those people imprisoned John Walker Lindh for doing that very same thing. He did nothing wrong, the government knows it too. They backed off the death penalty and imposed a 20 year gag order on him. Basically, if he talks he dies. What is American about that?

Question EVERYTHING!! You are not required to take everything you are told at face value. Most people do because it's easier than weighing everything out and forming your own opinion. People are curious by nature.

For example if you are told that Jupiter is 276 million miles away most people will automatically take that as fact. It's wrong though. Jupiter is 390 million miles away. Had I not corrected that, anytime in the future if someone asked you that question you would have taken what I said as fact and given them the wrong answer.

Now, if someone sees a sign that says "Wet Paint" they will touch the paint 99.9% of the time to see if it's true. Why? Because it's easy. There is no thought or real effort put into touching paint.

If you are content to put little effort into learning the truth, you will get little truth in return.

Finally, always keep these words with you. Just cause you ain't paranoid don't mean they ain't out to get you. I learned the hard way a few years back that life is not like it was for our parents and grandparents. Try getting hurt at work and see what happens. I foolishly believed my employer would stand behind me until I was healed and then put me back to work. Instead, they did everything possible to get me to quit so they would no longer be responsible. Welcome to the U.S.A today...................

Stop The World. I Want To Get Off

There is a product available that I feel may end the world as we know it, and I want either myself or it removed from the earth. The product is called "Kindle" sold by www.amazon.com it's an electronic book reader. In just a few minutes you can search for what you want, buy the book, and download it directly to this evil product. They claim the display screen is "just like ink and paper".

What is wrong with REAL ink and paper books? I love books. I love to read. I greatly enjoy going to my local library and choosing books. Libraries have a smell unlike any other place, it's a mixture of old books, leather bindings, and knowledge. I go to the library at least once a week, it's fun for me and somewhat exciting. I enjoy wandering the stacks until a book catches my eye, and knowing after reading the back cover that it's going to be great, I can hardly wait to get home and begin reading it.

The librarians seem to enjoy seeing me at the library as much as I enjoy being there. I'm sure I am somewhat of an oddity to them. It can't be often someone that looks like I do checks out books that have nothing to do with tattoos, redneckism, or fixing a transmission. I read an average of 3 books a week, I'm sure this is also somewhat unusual for a person that looks like I do. One librarian in particular thinks it's funny that I have checked out every one of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels, they are hilarious. You know what they say, you can't judge a book by looking at the cover.........

My taste in books is widely varied. Everything from Native American history to Plato's Republic to a good crime mystery. I recently found a book called "Chasing Fireflies" by an author named Charles Martin. It's one of the most amazing books I have ever read. Had I not been wandering the library for the cover to catch my eye I would still be without the knowledge and wonder this book gave me. No electronic book can give you that. I had never heard of the author before, so I would not have found him on any electronic book database.

An electronic book can never replicate the smell of a brand new book, nor the smell of a classic book. It can never replace the creak of the book spine, or the feeling of satisfaction of flipping to that final page and seeing it all come together. Technology can be a good thing, but leave my books alone.

Do yourselves a favor, go to your local library. The whole world is inside just waiting to be discovered.

Peculiar Little Wal-Mart Man

I just ran into the most peculiar little man at Wal-Mart. As he scanned my items he placed each one in it's own bag, folded the ends around, then placed each one in another bag. He then tied the handles of the second bag into a triple knot thereby eliminating the handle that was placed there for my use.

I asked the peculiar little man to stop doing this and he replied "I have too". Note that he did not reply "It's policy". A quick look around at the other checkers gave me every indication that this peculiar little man was alone in his handle eliminating crusade.

In the end, as he handed me each double bagged item with no handles with which to grasp I ripped open the bags, tossed them aside, and re-bagged each item myself. He gave no indication that he was in the slightest bit alarmed or upset at what I was doing.

This peculiar little man is one of the most fascinating individuals I have ever run across. I believe further study is needed. I will provide updates as more information comes to light.

Retirement Home Here I Come

I think I'd like to live in a retirement community. I have always enjoyed the company of older folks, they have so much wisdom to offer, we just need to be smart enough to listen. I also enjoy long, often pointless talks about the weather, the heat, humidity, snow in California, it's all open for discussion.

I don't really care for people my own age, this is an ongoing thing in my life. No matter what age I am, I don't like most people that are my age. I am always so much older than others my age I have nothing in common with them.

Phrases commonly uttered be the older generation like "Kids these days" and "turn that music down!!" I seem to use on a daily basis. Often with the traditional shaking of the head and muttering under my breath. I have yet to start shaking my fist at teenagers but I feel it can't be far off.

With my back and neck the way they are I often shuffle along like the older generation so I'd fit right in there. I would not get to far ahead in the race for pills and Jello at 3 pm.

I LOVE to play shuffleboard and feel I am still pretty competitive at it. I can hold grudges for years and often find myself saying "back in my day......"

So there it is folks. I am planning on looking through some brochures and starting the selection process. It should not take to long, provided those meddling neighbor kids stay off the lawn.

People That Piss Me Off

Republicans.

People who's arm hair covers their wristwatch.

Frat Boys

People who think it's cute to let their kid push the shopping cart all over the damn store with no thought to who they are running into or how they are getting into everyone's way.

Teenagers who don't type full fucking words. It's basic english, learn it you fuckheads.

People who wander around staring at their cell phone not watching where the hell they are going.

Republicans.

Anyone from Texas.

People that email me forwarded messages that are such bullshit it's not even funny. Like the one about Captain Kangaroo being a war hero. It did not happen people, do a little research.

People that go on and on about how beautiful their kid is when they know full well it's ugly.

People who forward me text messages about how I "don't have a heart if I don't send this to 10 people".

Republicans.

Anyone who works at the local Verizon wireless store. I'm pretty sure I piss them off too, so we will call this one even.

Restaurant workers who suggest menu items to me. HEY ASSHOLE you don't know me. You don't know what I like. Go fuck yourself and bring me some tea.

People who use the word "like" as a describing word 5 times in every sentence. It's like, really, like, FUCKING ANNOYING.

Unnecessary Product

Today I was at a store just wandering around looking at all of the many wares they were offering for sale. My eye caught a particular product that I'm still having problems believing it really exists. In what world is a battery powered eraser necessary? Have we as a collective group decided "you know what, I have always hated moving an eraser by hand, Just not going to do it anymore."

The person that invented this may have went to MIT, I'm sure the parents are glad his or her education is being put to good use. I think the inventors of the world have their priorities a little messed up. I mean, we now have battery powered erasers but we are still using crumpled up handfulls of paper to clean naughty parts in the bathroom....... Surely we need a better system for that more than the world needs a battery powered eraser????? I know I'm very strange, and maybe I'm the one who is thinking backward here. I just don't get it.

If a person is to busy or lazy to use an old fashioned eraser what is the chance they will be writing by hand with an old fashioned pencil? I make my solemn promise to you now. When I am in charge the world will be rid of all battery powered erasers. I feel they are evil, and I do not like the precident they are setting.

The ACM Awards. AKA 3 hours I'll never have back.......

Let me start be saying I love country music. I have all of my life. The problem is, country music has been on life support for so many years it's all but forgotten. During the show last night I kept hearing a beeping sound, it was the monitors and machines keeping country music alive. At 9:58 PM central time the tone flat lined. That was the exact moment the "entertainer of the year" was announced. Someone finally pulled the plug, thank god!!!

It was doomed from the start. How can you have an awards show for country music when only 3 country artists were there? Jamie Johnson, Brad Paisley, and George Strait. What was the deal with Reba telling jokes? A mouth, tongue, brain, and lungs are all that is technically necessary to tell a joke. That does not mean you should tell jokes just because you have the equipment. What's wrong with a little sincerity? Lame, fake jokes have run the course. Speaking of lame, fake jokes. Lets take a look at the winners............

Vocal Event of the Year
* "Start a Band", Brad Paisley Duet With Keith Urban. The only reason this won is it was slightly less terrible than the other nominees. It was not the best of the best, it was the least terrible of the choices.

Video of the Year
* "Waitin' on a Woman", Brad Paisley. Actually, I can't bitch about this one. I like the song, and Andy Griffith is cool as hell. Well Done.

Song of the Year
* "In Color", Jamey Johnson. Two in a row that got right!!!! We are on a roll now!! Just wait, it's all downhill from here.........

Single Record of the Year
* "You're Gonna Miss This", Trace Adkins. Hey academy, fuck off. Trace Adkins sucks. He can't write, he can't sing. Jamey Johnson should have this award for "In Color".

Top New Vocal Duo or Group
* Zac Brown Band This award should not have given this year. There was no deserving nominees. When you sing a stupid song about fried chicken and win something for it the world has truly been turned upside down. Piss off dumbass.

Top New Female Vocalist
* Julianne Hough I had never heard of any of the nominees. Don't care.

Top New Male Vocalist
* Jake Owen Fuck off. Jamey Johnson wins by default. He's a country artist.

Top Vocal Duo
* Sugarland I think they got this one right as well. I like a few of their songs. And they like Steve Earle.

Top Vocal Group
* Rascal Flatts What the fuck happened here? Rascal Flats is not country. Not even a little bit. Id' rather have my balls squashed flat with a wooden hammer than to hear them "sing" one note. Again, this award should have been skipped.

Top Female Vocalist
* Carrie Underwood There was no real winner here. There were no country nominees. If anything, it should have been Miranda Lambert.

Top Male Vocalist
* Brad Paisley I suppose this is OK. Don't let it happen again though.

Album of the Year
* Fearless, Taylor Swift My 3 year old nephew is obsessed with Taylor Swift. As he grows I will turn him to real music. For now he's alright. This should have went to Jamey Johnson as well. Fearless was not a country album.

Entertainer of the Year
* Carrie Underwood I don't even know where to start here. Fans voted for this award. I guess they don't know the meaning of the word "entertainer". They voted for who they like best, that alone shows the sad state of the world. Carrie Underwood is not an entertainer. Hell, she's not even a good singer. Being blond and having a pretty face does not make a real country artist. It sure as hell makes alot of fake ones though. If Carrie Underwood wants to make the world a better place she should shut her damn tofu hole and pose for playboy. It's the only thing she's qualified for.

Something I Wonder About

Yesterday I started thinking. Those that know me know it's usually not a good thing. I started wondering what life would be like if we did not have butt cheeks. I think it would be really hard to keep your pants up. Butt cheeks play a more important role in that than you would think. I bet plumbers would love it, think of all the jokes it would save them from. What would we look at when someone was walking in front of us? Feet? I guess that goes hand in hand with the knowledge that if women wore nothing but hats the only thing men would want to see would be the top of their head. It's true, think about it. Without butt cheeks sitting would be completely different. I have not yet figured out how it would work. When I do I'll let you know. Without butt cheeks their would be no spanking. Kids would love that, but some adults would hate it. The phrase "Kiss my ass" would have never been coined. My guess is "Kiss the back of my left knee" would have been the catchphrase instead. It doesn't quite have the same ring to it, but then again, if butt cheeks never existed we would not know any better would we?

Waterfowl And The Judicial System

I live near Coralville Iowa. In Coralville there is a beautiful city park with all of the normal park-like amenities. This includes a fine pond with a fountain and plenty of ducks walking around. One thing is very different at this park however. It's ILLEGAL TO FEED THE DUCKS!!!!!!

This park is right next to the police station, if you are spotted feeding the ducks you will be issued a citation by the police. Feeding the ducks could possibly alter the course of your life. We all know that if you fail to pay a citation a warrant is issued for your arrest. That means the police will be looking for you. You will be arrested, processed, and booked, then placed in a cell, all because some ducks were hungry.

Picture this, you are in a cell with many other people all bragging about what they are "in for". The fat guy in a bunny suit says "I beat 27 people to death with a rubber carrot." The tiny geeky looking guy with a bad goatee just keeps repeating "I told those fuckers I'd show 'em." Now, all eyes are on you. You draw up to your full heigth, look that big sum bitch in a bunny suit in the eye and say........... "I fed the ducks."

Personally, I would demand a jury trial. Unless the prosecutor finds 12 people who were traumatized by waterfowl I think it's a pretty safe bet.